


Chasing the Shadows of My Soul

by Takianna



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Miscarriage, Rape/Non-con Elements, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-11-19 13:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 27,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11314662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takianna/pseuds/Takianna
Summary: AU where Felicity is kidnapped. Oliver has to fight his demons, those awakened by Adrian Chase, to find his way back to being a true human being.  Who will prevail?COMPLETE





	1. Chapter 1

_I wanted to and I liked it._

The words still rang through his mind as his heart clenched inside his chest. The darkness coiled inside of Oliver causing his breath to catch in his throat. A darkness that he believed was long buried, until awoken again rendering it a falsehood that he continued to tell himself.

The whole time he'd been back home, Oliver had lulled himself into a routine of normalcy. Putting on the hood, fighting the wrongs of Star City, or what he believed them to be, and telling himself he was doing the good and moral thing. These were all lies. Lies that made it easier to ignore his true self.

Now he couldn't ignore it any longer. Chase made sure of that fact, breaking him until he couldn't function and couldn't see which way he should go.

Oliver was no longer dealing out justice, but feeding the demon that lurked deep inside of him. Waking a few times and finally falling back to sleep until the need to kill rose inside of him again.

“You OK?” the voice filtered through the darkness to reach him. A voice of comfort that he knew he didn't deserve. Oliver just nodded. He feared his voice would give away the blackness of his soul.

Felicity. She was the anchor that helped him cling to the light and yet he'd treated her so badly. That was something he continued to regret. There was no forgiveness for not trusting her completely. Oliver knew Felicity only wanted him to lean on her, but he couldn't let everything he was inside spill out. She couldn't know the truth about him. It would kill her.

“Chase can't control you, Oliver,” Felicity's gentle voice said, her hand squeezing his gently.

There it was, the light and kindness that was Felicity. She always wanted to believe the best, but Oliver knew he was actually the worst and the most dangerous man she would ever meet. No matter how many times he warned her, she still stuck with him. That was the most dangerous thing of all, for both of them.

“Everyone will suffer because of me,” Oliver whispered.

“We all knew what we were getting into,” she said leaning closer to him in the way she always did. “This isn't a surprise Oliver. We knew you would have enemies. It comes with the hood.”

He didn't deserve her. There was no reason a killer should be in the same room with her. Yet here he sat, one of the most dangerous people in Star City.

“But you shouldn't have to,” Oliver's voice rose. He couldn't understand why no one was taking him seriously. They should all be packing their things and getting as far away from him as possible. He was a cancer in their lives. He needed to be stopped, but they weren't even scared.

“What did he do to you?” Felicity asked releasing Oliver's hand and crossing her arms over her chest. Oliver knew she was trying to protect herself from further pain, but there wasn't any protection from who he was. Pain would come and it would rain all around them, he was sure of it.

“I don't want to talk about it,” he said, his voice flat as though the life had left him when he admitted to Chase just what he really was since his return.

Felicity shrugged. “You still can't trust me,” she said anger tinging her words.

“It's over Felicity. I can't be him anymore,” Oliver admitted, his hand waving towards the suit he wore as the Arrow. Her eyes narrowed and Oliver felt uncomfortable under her scrutiny. She had a way of peering into his true self, but that was something he wanted to hide away. She didn't need to see it and he wasn't ready to show it to her.

“That is what he wants,” she said softly.

Oliver knew Chase wanted him to suffer and he wanted the Green Arrow gone, but this was the only way to protect all of the people around him.

“Chase has won,” Felicity said throwing up her hands in frustration. “I will not let you lay down and die because of some manic. A manic in a long line of people you've come into contact with over the years. All people who have wanted to hurt you or the team in their own way.”

The sigh was louder than he intended, but there wasn't much fight left in him. Whatever charged his soul to keep up the good fight was drained when Adrian Chase made him confess who he really was. There wasn't anything more for him to give. He was empty.

“I died years ago, Felicity,” Oliver admitted.

“No you didn't,” she said coming closer and running a hand gently down his arm. “No you didn't.”

Oliver wanted to believe her words, but he knew the truth. Felicity could never know the festering hate inside him. She was too innocent and he couldn't hurt her more. This whole mess was his fault anyway because of his actions and because he chose to put an arrow in those he believed did wrong. Those that his father convinced him deserved his kind of justice.

“You don't know the things I've done,” he whispered. She leaned her forehead against his, giving him a moment of peace. If she did know, would she still be standing her sharing his space? He didn't think it would be possible for her.

“But I know who you are Oliver,” she said quietly. “You are a good person who makes hard choices.”

She was the light, but he knew the darkness would destroy her. It was powerful. Oliver couldn't and wouldn't let it happen to her as it had so many other people in his life. He had to push her away and risk breaking her heart again, for the last time.

“It's over Felicity,” he said pulling away from her, the physical movement meant to pry his heart from her hands. He knew it wouldn't help, but he had to get away from his feelings. They were too much and threatened to choke him. The darkness called and he wondered when the next time was that he would answer it.

“Don't do this,” Felicity begged, the thickening of her voice mirrored by the tears welling in her eyes. How many times could he be the source of those tears? There were too many times for him to count and Oliver couldn't do it again. It would be the final break to a soul that was barely holding onto the little life it had left.

“Felicity...” he started and stopped. What did he think he could say to make all these things go away? Words escaped him.

“You have done more to save those around you as the Arrow than harm you have done to those who deserved the wraith of you bow,” she admitted, raising a hand to swipe at the tears threatening to fall.

“That's not true,” Oliver said his voice tight. It wasn't true. People were dead because of the choices he made as Oliver and the Arrow. The deaths weighed on him and threatened to choke everyone around him.

“I won't let anything happen to you again,” Oliver finally admitted. “It would kill me.”

Her blue eyes connected with his and Oliver felt the pain clench his heart. No matter what he tried, pain followed him. Pain beyond what anyone should have to carry. Yet Oliver seemed to be the one person chosen to follow that path. He hated everything the island made him and still was thankful the island led to meeting Felicity.

“It's not your job to protect me,” Felicity said bitterness in her words.

“I made that choice when I told you who I was,” Oliver said anger in his voice. “I should've kept it a secret.”

Felicity was crying now, the glistening tears rolling down her delicate cheeks. This was the life he chose for her. He never thought when he climbed into her backseat, too hurt to move, that he would be the cause of all her hurt. Still, here they were again. She was crying again and it was over him.

“Go home Felicity,” he said rubbing his eyes with the heals of his hands. Oliver heard her retreating footsteps and when he looked in the direction of the sound, she was standing there staring at him.

“I have patched you up physically and mentally. I have searched for you when you've run away. I've been to the ends of the Earth for you, but I can't save you from one person,” she said her words filled with sadness. “Yourself.”

She was gone and Oliver cried.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrian Chase makes his move and Oliver is unable to do anything to stop him.

Oliver woke up, his body beaded in sweat, his sheets twisted about his legs as though he had been struggling with an unseen force . The darkness of the room was calm and silent, a far cry from the hellish nightmare he'd just had and wished that he could forget.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he hung his head in his hands feeling the dampness of his sweat soaked hair and wondering what was wrong with him.

Felicity's screams rang through his ears, fresh as though he was hearing them again. He'd had the same nightmare three nights in a row. Always he was close enough to hear her screaming his name, but he could never find her and she was in pain. The sound was chilling and the thought of not being able to do anything, made his heart sink.

Pushing himself up off the bed, Oliver slipped on a pair of work out pants and padded in bare feet towards the main part of the lair. Only the lights from the glasses cases illuminated his way. Stopping, he looked at the leather he wore to go out at night and try to save the city, but he could never save himself no matter how many times he suited up. The Arrow would never be again. It's just the way it had to be to keep the precarious hold on the people he loved. No, he corrected himself, the person he loved.

Grabbing the bar, Oliver stood under the salmon ladder,looking up at the waiting rungs. Sweat would clear his mind and untwist whatever his subconscious was trying to tell him with the dreams. With a grunt, he started, his arms flexed and he grunted on each rung as he flew up the ladder. Skin grew taught and slid over muscles as he lowered himself back down easily to the bottom.

The sound of Felicity's screams came back to him as he started back up the ladder. At the top, Oliver lost his focus and his hands slipped from the bar. Crashing to the mat below on his back, the bar followed crashing against the hard floor, the sound echoing through the space. Oliver laid on his back, his hands gripped in fists at his side, the anger pulsing through his veins. He should be more focused.

Even if he didn't want to admit it, Adrian Chase's torture scared him deep inside. The one thing he never wanted to face was who he really was after his time on the island. Those were memories he had chosen to bury and yet one man dug all of them out. Oliver believed himself stronger, but that was something he never could be. He was still the scared boy who went down on the Queen's Gambit, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Rolling onto his stomach, he pushed himself off the mat and retrieved the bar, slamming it back into place. He needed to get out of the lair and clear his head. Dressing quickly, Oliver grabbed hie helmet and headed towards his bike. Riding was freedom and Oliver just wanted to run, to taste something that was carefree and didn't have all the problems he often found fighting inside of him.

The wind whipped past his body as he pushed the bike harder. He leaned into the bike, feeling the freedom and the pulsing engine between his thighs. He missed just being an average person, but he knew he couldn't be average ever again. The island made sure to drive that home. No matter how many years he put between himself and Liun Yu, it still seemed to define all he had become.

Oliver stopped and he saw that he was at Felicity's apartment. The one they had once called home together. Why he drove there, he didn't have a clue. Maybe it was the last place he felt like himself. There were days he longed for those feelings again and he couldn't understand why he didn't admit that to her.

Pulling his helmet off, Oliver switched off the bike's engine. The phone in his pocket vibrated and Oliver retrieved it. It was a text from Dig. Have you heard from Felicity?

The question seemed odd. It was four in the morning and she was sleeping, or at least she should be asleep. That was probably the reason Dig wasn't getting texts back from her. Although Oliver knew she would often wake up to return texts, especially from him, the past few days were rather difficult for all of them as Oliver decided that team Arrow was officially over.

Swinging his leg over the bike to dismount, Oliver sent a quick text back to Dig and headed towards the fire escape of Felicity's apartment. Climbing it easily, Oliver entered through the window that she often left unlocked just in case he needed to visit. Oliver knew that she always held out hope he would return and if he hadn't been such a screw up, maybe he would have. 

He walked quietly to the stairs, taking care to skip the third step that always creaked. As he approached her room, the room they once shared, his stomach tightened. Oliver always expected there to be danger behind closed doors, but he knew Felicity was deep in sleep and nothing more. Quietly, he turned the knob and used the other hand to crack the door.

The explosion was bright and deafening although it packed little heat. It threw Oliver back against the wall. He raised his hands to shield his face from shrapnel that may fly towards him, if there was any inside of the explosion. The ringing in Oliver's ears began to subside and he started blindly fumbling to find Felicity somewhere inside the smoke billowing from the room.

The smoke began to dissipate rather quickly and Oliver found the bed, hoping she wasn't hurt. Hands roughly pushed through bed clothes that were still warm to the touch and he searched frantically for a sign she was buried under the covers, hiding from the explosion

“Felicity!” his voice was hoarse and harsh into the empty space. 

Oliver pulled back the sheets to reveal a glowing tablet, her tablet. The image froze his insides as a bound and gagged Felicity stared back at him, thrashing her head from side to side. Her blue eyes were frightened and Oliver could tell she was screaming around the gag. Picking up the tablet, Oliver let a low growl come from his chest as the Arrow threatened to rear his head and destroy the one person he knew was responsible for this atrocity.

All the time he spent trying to push her away to keep her safe, he should've been holding her closer. She needed protection he could provide, but he failed to follow through. She needed him and all Oliver ever had done was run from her. 

Reaching for his phone, Oliver punched to dial Dig.

“Dig, Dig,” he coughed. “Chase has her.”

The desperation choked him and ice bubble through his veins. His hands were numb and there was sound, but Oliver couldn't hear any words. All he could do was watch Felicity's terrified face. The phone fell from his hand, landing with a loud thud near his feet.

The image on the tablet flickered and Oliver held the device closer to him as though it was Felicity herself. As he walked blindly down the stairs, the creak from the third step brought him back to the reality of his surroundings.

He sat on the edge of the coffee table, there wasn't any way to tear his eyes from her frightened face. There was so much pain in her eyes. He knew that she was probably screaming his name, begging him to come and get her. 

When she joined his team, Oliver vowed he would take care of her. What did she know about danger and death? She was innocent and Oliver's twisted life corrupted her beautiful existence. He created all these monsters and they devoured the people he loved most.

He didn't remember who took the tablet out of his hands and shoved his phone in it's place, but Dig finally laid a heavy hand on his shoulder and it jarred him. For someone who wasn't easy to sneak up on, the apartment was now filled with people he didn't remember showing up. The shock of the entire experience rattled him, but he tried to shrug it off. He was supposed to be strong, a warrior and that was what he was going to portray.

“Mayor,” a member of the SCPD approached him, pen and notebook in hand as though he needed to know what happened at the apartment. 

“Mayor Queen will give a statement later,” Dig said running interference and putting a hand on the cop's shoulder. He guided him back towards the door. Oliver acknowledged his friend's help with a dip of his chin. There would be questions that would be difficult for Oliver to answer. Why was he here and in the middle of the night? It was something he wanted to duck for as long as possible. There were other questions he needed answered at the moment.

“She's fine,” Dig said softly so only Oliver could hear. The voice was so sure, but there was nothing sure about Felicity's fate. There would be nothing sure about her fate until she was back in his arms.

Adrian Chase wanted him broken. When he'd held Oliver, he'd promised so much pain, but it was something so many people promised Oliver before. It was so hard to take seriously because it was on constant repeat in his life. That pain, which Chase delivered easily and with mirth, now washed over Oliver and seeped deep into his chest, constricting his lungs. There would never be enough air without her. 

“We have to find her,” Oliver ground out through clinched teeth, his hands griping the edge of the coffee table until his knuckles were white.

“We always do,” Dig responded. He hoped the other man was right or Oliver would never be able to live with himself. He could never be alive without her.

He needed Felicity, no matter how many times he denied it.


	3. Chapter 3

Sleep evaded him, no matter how many times Oliver tried to close his eyes. Every time he did, all he saw was the scared look in Felicity's eyes. In their depths, Oliver used to see the man he wanted to be, but could never accomplish becoming. She always believed in him, even when he didn't believe in himself.

Rubbing his hands over tired eyes, there were no leads he could even begin to unravel to keep his mind occupied. Curtis was busy trying to triangulate where the signal was coming from, but Chase was too smart to give himself away so easily. Chase wanted him to suffer and wanted to make sure this would break his final handle on any civility he continued to have. It was coming pretty close at the moment.

“Call for you,” Dig said from the doorway. Oliver hefted himself off the bed, feeling too heavy to move. He plodded towards the door, shielding his eyes from the small slit of light that outlined the door frame. Oliver took the phone that Dig pressed in his hand, raising it to his ear.

“Oliver!” Felicity's voice cried. It was full of tears and fear and it strangled him. There wasn't enough air and he reached out a hand to steady himself only to find Dig making sure he didn't topple over. 

“Felicity … Felicity!” Oliver yelled into the phone, but there was no answer, just muffled screams. The sounds of Felicity getting further and further away pained Oliver.

“So,” Adrian Chase's voice replaced Felicity's. “First your father, then your mother and now your precious Felicity.”

Oliver's grip on the phone made the already cracked plastic creak in a threatening manner. Chase would break, no matter how far and wide Oliver had to hunt for him.

“What choice do you have Oliver?” Chase's glib voice said from the other end.

“Chase,” he ground out, jaw set tight. Oliver's eyes met Dig's and there was an exchange between them that didn't even need words. They knew Felicity was their first priority.

“Either you let me go or say goodbye to her.”

The line went dead and Oliver was pushing past Dig to the main part of the lair. His eyes were blinded by the rage that was boiling through him. There were hands holding him back as be tried to reach the exit. They were begging him not to rescue her, but Oliver needed to have her in his arms, just to make sure that she was OK.

“Oliver!” Dig's voice brought him back to the lair, his heart thudding in his chest, making his ears ring.

“She was screaming for me and I can't help her,” Oliver said his voice cracking as the pain reared it's head again.

Dig pulled the phone from his finger, slipping it into his pocket. His hands were on Oliver's shoulders, their eyes meeting. In Dig's features, there was calm. That was what Oliver needed, but his fingers couldn't grasp that kind of serenity when Felicity was being tortured.

She was out there somewhere struggling to stay alive and it was all because of him. He wasn't even sure he gave her the right tools to help her survive. Dig trained her, but was it enough in this situation?

“Can I trust you?” 

The words from the night she approached him at Big Belly Burger passed through his mind. When she asked, he should have put on his millionaire playboy persona and treated her the way he would've before he was stranded on the island. If she would've met that Oliver, she would be safe now.

“You can't fall apart now,” Dig said, jaw held tight. The other man was worried too and Oliver knew they needed each other to get through this and get Felicity back.

The anger began to subside again and Oliver leaned against the desk where Felicity usually sat working. His fingers reached out to lightly touch the back of the chair she sat in. He wished she was here now giving him some kind of guidance so he could find her.

“Did you get anything,” he heard Dig ask. Oliver didn't move, only raised his eyes to see Curtis entering the lair, tablet in hand. Luckily if Felicity couldn't be there, they had the next best hacker they knew.

“Connection wasn't quite long enough, but I'm running it through some software that can use the short phone signal,” he said approaching Oliver and tapping through several screens on his tablet.

“How long?” Oliver asked quietly. He wasn't even sure Curtis hear it, but the other man nodded an acknowledgment.

“I could have something in the next couple of hours,” he replied.

Oliver's hand slammed down on the desk, the sound ringing through the tight space and making Curtis jump. His hand didn't even feel the impact, but all the eyes turned towards him and made his brain register what he had done.

It wasn't enough. Finding Felicity was his highest priority and they probably didn't have hours to spare. Chase wanted his suffering as though it fed him. There were no ends the twisted man would go to so Oliver would pay. This made him fear for what would happen to Felicity. She was in danger, even more so now as Chase escalated his game.

“I could call in some favors,” Curtis stuttered, the first to break the silence.

“No,” Oliver said. He didn't want to risk more lives in an attempt to speed the process along. Chase would contact him again because he needed Oliver to help him escape.

Oliver just needed to be patient, but that was something he was running very low on. He knew that Felicity gave up everything for him to come and rescue him when he needed it most. He had to do the same for her.

“The video has some interesting clues though,” Curtis said. He turned the tablet towards Oliver and there was Felicity's terrified face. It was hard for him to look at, but as Curtis began to zoom in on some of the clues, Oliver tried to put it out of his mind so they could save Felicity.

“This is a sign near a door behind her,” Curtis pointed out using his fingers to make the picture larger. Oliver could make out three letters E.A.S.

“What does it mean?” Oliver asked. He knew there had to be more, but his mind was too tired and too occupied by Felicity's screams to make connections.

“It's part of an underground tunnel system,” Curtis connected the dots for him.

“Here?” Oliver asked pushing himself away from the desk, adrenaline beginning to clear his mind. They would find her, if he tried hard enough. He was familiar with the underground ever since the undertaking. 

“It's the access tunnel to the underground train system,” Curtis said.

“Then we get her,” Oliver said moving with purpose as he started to gather his bow. He would need that to save her.

“Whoa,” Dig said putting a hand out to stop Oliver. The physical act made Oliver growl in frustration. If they knew where she was, why were they all standing around? She could be hurt, or worse, dead, because of their inaction.

“Tell him the rest,” Dig ordered, pointing at Curtis. Oliver whipped his head towards the other man. His eyes pierced into him and Curtis got that nervous look that was common when Oliver was playing the tough guy.

“The room is filled with these,” Curtis said enlarging a bottom corner of the video. A silver cylinder glinted in the low light. Tightness grew in Oliver's chest as he saw rows of the canisters.

“It's Phosgene Oliver,” Dig said, his tone dyer. 

Oliver let his hands come up and cover his face, hiding the rage and pain burning behind his eyes. Chase had her and the poison gas would kill her if he tried anything.

Chase was the rock and now Oliver found himself in the hard place.


	4. Chapter 4

“I can't do anything, Dig,” Oliver said exasperated. He paced back and forth in front of the case holding his bow. It was the instrument of death he'd vowed to put away, but he was so tempted to take it from it's pedestal. It would only take one arrow to rid the world of the sickness called Adrian Chase. But those were the thoughts of the killer Chase wanted him to be and not the man the team and Felicity believed him to be.

“I fucking created this nightmare and I can't wake up,” Oliver yelled, his fist slamming into his open hand. Every nerve in his body was on edge as he spent his time waiting for Chase to be the puppet master. 

No matter how Oliver tried, Chase was ahead of him. He shaped every move. This was a loss of control Oliver hadn't experience since he returned from the island. His survival depended on being in control of this situations around him. The fear of the old Oliver started to seep in around the edges. He had to grip tightly to keep himself from falling apart and the fear from getting to him.

Dig's face gave away the fact that Oliver wasn't doing a good job. Reflected in Dig's eyes he saw disappointment and worry. Sometimes Oliver forgot how much the old Army man loved Felicity too, if only in a different way.

“You can stay here and pity yourself,” the bodyguard said, “or you can help her.”

Oliver stopped and regarded his friend with a cold stare. The Arrow would never question running in to save Felicity. In fact he would consider it a challenge, but Chase had killed that part of him. The recklessness of the Arrow was buried beneath the darkness of the killer Oliver knew he had become. It begged to see the light of day so Felicity could be safe, but Oliver pushed those feelings aside, too afraid of what it would make him.

“He wants me to be a killer,” Oliver said, his words tight. “I won't be what he wants.”

“So you are going to roll over and die?”

Oliver took two steps towards Dig and pointed at him menacingly, “That happened years ago.”

Oliver turned from Dig, afraid to admit everything he was feeling. No one knew what Chase made him admit and it was better that way. Why should more people suffer at his behest?

Digging his hands into his hair, Oliver let out a tired sigh. When would he live again? Maybe when Felicity was free so she could be his light.

“Then Chase gets what he wants no matter which way you turn,” Dig said from behind Oliver, his voice quiet and resigned. 

“Felicity ...” Oliver started and stopped unable to finish his thought. 

“... deserves everything you can give to save her,” Dig finished. Oliver heard the other man's feet retreating and sunk down to his knees, letting the floor support his emotionally exhausted body.

Words were powerful and Dig knew he still loved Felicity. This was one time Oliver couldn't be her knight in green leather. His soul was too broken. The bow was never so close and so far away at the same time.

Oliver knew he was letting her down. She had to be so frightened and hoping he would come for her. How could he let her down?

The buzzing of the phone made him scramble to pick it up. The number was unknown, but Chase wouldn't use a traceable number. With a jab of his finger, Oliver raised the phone to his ear to answer.

“Well, well, how the mighty have fallen, Chase cooed causing Oliver to shiver at the sound of his voice.

“Let her go,” he growled back.

“That depends on you,” Chase said. “What are you willing to do for your beautiful Felicity?”

Oliver's heart felt as though it was in his throat as he thought about everything he had done and would do to keep her safe.

“I'll be leaving Star City free and clear if you don't want anything to happen to her pretty little face,” Chase said a hint of laughter in his voice. Oliver hated that he took such joy from making people suffer.

“I want to talk to her,” Oliver said gripping the phone tighter.

“All in good time Oliver,” Chase replied. The nonchalant tone of the other man pushed Oliver almost to the breaking point and he grunted in response.

“So you have no response? Maybe some motivation is in order.”

Felicity's screams rang through the phone and settled a lead weight inside Oliver's chest. He was helpless. It took all his self control not to crush the phone to dust in his hand. Taking a shallow breath, Oliver tried to calm himself enough to speak. 

“Meet me in twenty minutes on the road to Central City,” Chase bit out. “Alone!”

The phone went dead and Oliver cocked it over his shoulder with every intention of throwing it. He stopped, knowing it was the only lifeline he had to Felicity. Shoving it in his pocket, Oliver walked with purpose to the elevator. This was his only chance to rescue Felicity.

As he rode up the elevator, he thought about all the times he had rescued her. When would his luck run out? Oliver hoped it wasn't this time with Adrian Chase.

The drive out of the city on his bike was quick and as he pulled off the road to wait, Oliver felt a chill descend upon him. The darkness seep from the asphalt, darkness that was reflected in his soul.

Checking his phone, Oliver looked up as lights appeared. The vehicle slowed and pulled to the opposite side of the road. Feeling his nerves tighten, ready to spring, Oliver watched as the door to the SUV opened and Chase emerged. It took ever ounce of willpower Oliver had not to knock the smirk off the other man's face.

“It's good to see you Oliver,” Chase said, his hand poised to open the back door of the vehicle. “But I suspect it's only her you came for. Does she know you're a killer who enjoys killing?”

Oliver clenched his hands into fists at his sides. He felt the phone begin to crack. The control he normally felt was quickly slipping through his fingers. It would do no good to lose it now with Felicity so close to being in his arms again. To being safe with him again.

If he admitted what he was, Oliver knew the way she looked at him would change. Gone would be the softness her eyes always had just for him, replaced by contempt at the man he really was. 

“I'm not going to follow you,” Oliver said through clenched teeth.

“That would be smart,” Chase said looking over his shoulder at Oliver. The door opened and Chase reached inside, wrenching Felicity from the vehicle by her upper arm. Her wrists were still bound and mouth gagged. Her tear stained cheeks were red, hair falling from her signature ponytail.

Oliver's heart slipped to the pit of his stomach as he saw her panicked blue eyes. Whatever she had endured, the pain left a mark. She seemed changed in a way none of the other captors had changed her.

The shiver shook him visibly, but Oliver took two steps towards Felicity, his eyes never breaking from hers. Chase's hand cradled the back of her neck, fingers digging into her soft skin. Oliver saw the muscles in her body tense as she tried to recoil from his grasp. 

“Oh Felicity,” Chase said leaning closer to her cheek. Oliver stepped closer, but Chase shot him a look that dared him to come closer. Thinking twice about risking Felicity's safety, he stepped back, unable to stop the torturous scene.

“So Oliver,” Chase said hand caressing Felicity's cheek. “You not only kill those who would oppose your morals, but those who support you.”

Oliver kept his eyes locked with Felicity, trying to grasp what the other man was saying. The bile began to rise in his throat. What had Chase done to her?

“Let's just say ...” Chase said turning to look at Oliver, “that I wasn't so kind with Ms. Smoak as you would have wished.”

Tingles began to run along every nerve in Oliver's body. He would kill Chase with his bare hands if he had to and right now he thought he could. 

“She may never be the same,” Chase laughed and pushed Felicity towards Oliver. With quick reflexes he caught her as she stumbled, almost falling face first onto the unforgiving asphalt. The sound of the SUV pulling away and Felicity's strangled cries filled the night air and sucked the air from Oliver's lungs, freezing him in that moment forever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love, love, love all the comments and am so excited that you are all taking this journey with me. I wouldn't be able to do it without readers. I hope that you are enjoying this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Thanks for being patient while my new computer arrived. As a surprise. I will be posting two chapters rather close together for you to enjoy.
> 
> Please continue to comment and join me on this journey. I think you will enjoy the twists and turns. I've actually written almost to the end and I believe this story will dovetail into another story that will be multiple chapters in length.
> 
> Kisses to everyone and thank you again.

The door to the bedroom opened and closed as Dig emerged from inside. She had demanded to be taken back to the apartment, against Oliver’s wishes and better judgement, and would only allow John behind the closed door. 

Felicity hadn’t even been able to look Oliver in the eyes when they had returned to the apartment. She hung her head and climbed the stairs without a word. It unnerved him. 

The path in front of the fireplace should have been worn where Oliver was busily pacing. If he didn’t stop, the floor might give way beneath him,  but worrying wasn’t easy for someone who always was in control and he hated the way it made his inside twist when he felt that control slipping away. It wasn’t normal for him. 

“How is she?” Oliver asked rather hastily as John came down the stairs.

Dig looked at him, the serious soldier look upon his brow. Oliver hated that look, but mostly he hated the ominous events that usually accompanied it. It wasn’t always something he didn’t want to hear, but was a necessity. Bad news seemed to be Dig’s middle name lately.

“She’s resting, but she asked me to send you home,” Dig said, voice quiet and commanding. Oliver knew that it wasn’t a request, but an order from the former soldier.

There were no words that could describe the pain those words carried. Oliver was always the person she ran to in the midst of her pain. Why was she pushing him away? It was usually him doing all the pushing and this didn’t feel right.

“I only want to see her,” Oliver replied trying to steady his voice against the fury lighting a fire in his body.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you right now,” Dig said sympathetically. “Listen Oliver she’s been through some serious trauma. She won’t even tell me about it yet. How do you think she would feel telling you?” 

“Safe…”

“Scared and embarrassed,” Dig corrected. “Felicity needs time and so do you.”

Cursing under his breath, Oliver grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. If he wasn’t wanted in her apartment he would find somewhere else to drown his worry and sorrows.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Dig called after him, but it was too late. Leaving Chase alive was the biggest mistake he’d made. Whatever that bastard had done to Felicity, there wasn’t a punishment close to fitting his crimes. Oliver wished he could get his hands around Chase’s neck and wring the life right out of him. 

“I already did,” Oliver mumbled and then slammed the door a little too hard behind him. 

The lair didn’t prove to be any better place to spend his time. As he tossed and turned in his bed, twisting the sheets about his legs,Oliver knew he wouldn’t find solace from the darkness. In these moments, he worried that Felicity knew the truth about him. The fact that Chase told her about his confession gnawed at his insides. It had to be the reason she didn’t want him around. No one wanted a killer as a friend or a lover. It was all out in the open now, nothing to hide and no secrets he could keep.

The phone buzzed and Diggle’s number flashed on the screen.

“Yeah,” Oliver said, voice rough from lack of sleep and anger. He knew that he shouldn’t take it out on Dig, but the other man would understand. John knew his true feelings for Felicity.

“Were you sleeping?” Diggle asked.

“Not for several days.”

There was silence on the other end that threatened to shred his nerves to pieces. 

“Felicity is at the hospital,” Dig said, his tone concerned and warning all wrapped together in a neat package.

“Why?” Oliver asked scrambling from the bed and searching for the clothes he’d discarded before climbing into bed to try and get some rest.

“Calm down,” Dig said. “She’s agreed to get checked out and they will hopefully give her something to help her sleep. The nightmares are really difficult for her right now.”

“I’m coming.”

“No!”

The word was strict as though he was ordering Oliver to stand down. It put an edge on Oliver’s nerves and he almost bit through his lip to stop from saying something he would regret. 

“Felicity needs time Oliver. You, of all people, should know how she feels,” the other man said.

It was true. Oliver knew what trauma did to the mind. He also knew what was needed to overcome torture, but Felicity wasn’t ready for that yet. Only after she found herself in the pit of despair would she be able to find her strength. That strength would be something she would have to rely on until she could overcome the anger and guilt. Something Oliver was still trying to do even after so many years.

“Thanks for the call,” Oliver said a little too harshly as he plopped back down on the edge of his bed. Punching the end button, he threw the phone on his pillow and scrubbing his hands over his face.

Everything had gone from bad to worse. Felicity was shutting him out when he wanted more than anything to be her comfort. He’d failed many times before and maybe that was another reason she was keeping him at arm length. She knew he would be another disappointment.

Oliver felt bad, but Felicity’s pain made his stomach churn and the guilt rise again. He wanted to hold her and tell her he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. But he had spent several years putting her in just the place that always ended up with her hurting.

He hated himself as much, if not more, than he was sure she did. 

Felicity always deserved better and now she knew it too. No matter how many times he tried to ebb the flow of the darkness towards the people he loved, they always seemed to be drowning. They were paying for every past sin in Oliver’s life. 

As he walked absentmindedly through the lair, Oliver thought about Tommy, a friend who really paid for Oliver’s secrets. It had been a long time since he crossed Oliver’s mind. It wasn’t that he didn’t miss Tommy every day, but the guilt he felt over his friend’s death seemed to subside with time. He hated himself for not giving more time to the memory of his best friend.

Retreating to his room, Oliver shrugged on a long sleeve shirt and slipped on his jeans. After tying his boots, Oliver grabbed his phone and helmet. If Felicity wouldn’t see him, then he would spend his time with an old friend who had been neglected for far too long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for all the comments and love. I promised that I would update a little sooner for those that follow me on tumblr and here it is! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, although I haven't answered the burning question that some have. Hang with me, there are reasons for it. 
> 
> So let's get this party started!!!!

The phone vibrated in his pocket, but Oliver ignored it, not moving from where he sat on the ground. The vibration died away and Oliver let his mind calm as he looked at Tommy’s grave maker. 

There were so many things he wanted and needed to talk to his friend about, but that was all taken away because Oliver was selfish. Why had they fought so much when all Oliver wanted was Tommy to understand?

He wanted to stop the darkness so badly inside that he put on the hood to hide. When he began to believe he was doing the right thing, that was when everyone began to get hurt. Felicity was just the most recent in a long line of failures.

“I wish you were here,” Oliver said, his voice quiet. “I know you really didn’t understand why I did these things. I know I couldn’t make you understand the reasons. I wish you would’ve been able to know how I felt about Felicity. She has finally changed me.”

His voice trailed off as he thought about Tommy. Oliver felt the guilt creep up again and begin to swallow him. What did he expect to get from sitting in a graveyard drinking a couple of beers and talking to a piece of granite? 

The phone in his pocket vibrated again and Oliver pulled it out to see who could be so obsessed with trying to get his attention. There were times he just wanted peace, but tonight it didn’t seem to be one of those times he would get it.

“Yeah Dig,” Oliver said trying to keep the edge out of his voice. All the news from Dig lately hadn’t been good and it was starting to irritate him. This was one time he didn’t want to hear he wasn’t needed again. 

“Felicity wants to see you,” the other man said. There wasn’t a hint of coercion on Dig’s part to make this happen and Oliver felt relief rush through his veins. His redemption was neigh. 

“When?” Oliver asked rising to his feet, nerves taut and ready for action.

“As soon as you can get here,” Dig replied. “She wanted you to stay in the apartment tonight. Something about me getting some rest. You know when Felicity uses the loud voice that she really means business.”

A smile cracked Oliver’s face as he imagined Felicity bossing the seasoned soldier around. John had a soft spot for Felicity from the beginning and she used it to her advantage a lot. It also helped that her loud voice was so out of character that it took them all off guard when she used it.

Oliver’s bike couldn’t move fast enough and he pushed the engine harder as he headed across town to be by Felicity’s side. The bike whined as he pulled up to the apartment. Tugging off his helmet, Oliver fidgeted as he walked to the door and tapped lightly, not wanting to disturb Felicity, should she be sleeping. John opened the door and ushered him inside. 

“Where is she?” Oliver asked putting his helmet on the counter and trying to peer around John’s large shoulders towards the living area.

“Upstairs,” he said grimacing. Oliver headed to the stairs. “Just let her lead for once Oliver.”

The request seemed odd, but Oliver bounded up the stairs towards the all too familiar room. The makeshift door worked, but he knew they would have to replace it in the future and wipe away what happened in that space. The memories of her kidnapping couldn’t get far enough away from them both.

As he opened the door, Felicity sat on the bed, pillows propping her up as the blue light from her tablet reflected on her features. The light cast shadows, but Oliver could tell she was paler than normal. Her hair hung loose about her shoulders, tucked behind her ears. Even though she was battered and bruised, Oliver still thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

“Felicity…” Oliver said quietly, but she jumped slightly. She tried to play it off, but he could tell she was still on edge as though every sound was someone coming to take her back to the torture Chase had put her through. He knew those feelings all too well, recalling his first night home from the island when a mere thunderstorm sent him into nightmares.

“Oliver,” she said as a reply and put her tablet aside. Throwing back the covers, she climbed out of bed and launched herself into his arms with force enough to make him take a couple of steps backwards. 

The sobs were muffled against his chest as she buried her face into his shirt. It seemed as though she had been waiting all this time to really let go of her emotions.  He wrapped her tightly in his arms as her body shook uncontrollably against him. Oliver stood strong as she melted into him. Her legs were shaky and he held her up, being her rock when she was too weak.

“Shhh…” he said into her hair taking in the smell of her shampoo as he tried to calm her. This he’d missed, even though he hated to admit it to himself.

“I’m here,” he continued, feeling emotions beginning to strangle him. These were feelings he would have to deal with later, now Felicity was the most important person in his life. He would do anything to take away her fear and adding his would do neither of them any good.

The shaking subsided and Felicity pulled back from him, her blue eyes shining with tears as she looked at him. There was still pain residing there and Oliver couldn’t stop himself from wiping the wetness from her cheeks. Her hand clasped his wrist and Oliver felt all those feelings for her that he tried so hard to bury bubbling towards the surface.

“I’m so sorry,” he couldn’t stop himself from saying, his voice cracking with all the emotion he’d held inside while she was being held hostage. It occurred to him that he’d never really given himself time to let the emotion of the ordeal run through his blood.

“I didn’t come for you.”

She shook her head ‘no,’ the tears welling in her eyes again. Then she collapsed against him again and her body was racked with another round of sobs.

“I couldn’t get away,” she said, her voice choked out around the sobs.

“I know you couldn’t,” he reassured her. Oliver knew the best thing for her was to listen and let her get it all out. There were things she would say that could be hurtful, but Oliver knew she didn’t mean them. They would just need to work through this together.

Stepping back from him, leaving an ache in the space there, Felicity wrapped her arms around herself. There was something about the look on her face that sent Oliver’s heart into his throat. In her eyes he saw the darkness that was festering inside his soul reflected.

“Why didn’t you tell me what he did to you?” she asked softly.

“It didn’t matter,” Oliver answered truthfully.

“You are not a killer Oliver!”

“I am!”

The words were harsh and she recoiled from him as though he was a venomous snake. Reaching out a hand to her, Oliver needed to touch her, to feel the warmth that would drive away the chill of the darkness. She intertwined her fingers with his, letting her light calm him.

“It’s time to share our secrets so they can stop coming between us,” Oliver said quietly.

Felicity nodded in agreement pulling herself closer to him. There were so many things he kept locked away. They were there for everyone's safety, including his own.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this chapter includes references to RAPE. If this is a trigger for you, please be advised that this is just a mention, but I wanted to let everyone know so that they could turn back here, if they choose to. 
> 
> Also thanks to everyone who has been reading! I know that I am slow to update, but life is sometimes a little faster than I would like. Thanks for hanging in there.

“Rest,” Oliver said and pushed her head back against his shoulder. They had long since abandoned the distance between them and snuggled into the bed, Oliver held her close as she drifted in and out of sleep. He wondered the last time he had slept a full night as his eyes became heavy. Their breathing synchronized and sleep finally claimed Oliver.

But in his dreams there wasn’t safety from all the things that haunted him. Oliver found himself on Luin Yu and the black and white mask of his torturer was all he could see as it tormented him. Fire shot through him as the sword cut through his belly. He cried out and jerked awake. Felicity pushed up on her hands looking at him, fear flashing through her eyes as she tried to work out what was happening.

“Sorry,” he apologized and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. Her muscles relaxed and she laid her head back on his chest, his heart still racing from the dream and the man that began his journey through five years of hell.

“Old demons?” she asked so quietly he wasn’t sure she had spoken at all.

“The ones who made me who I am,” Oliver admitted rather easily to the woman lying beside him. It was the first time he’d ever answered a question about the island without trying to sidestep what the answer was truly. Felicity made him want to expose everything about himself, albeit in small pieces that wouldn’t frighten her.

“This scar,” he said lifting his shirt to reveal the spot where the sword entered his skin. Her fingers found the puckered skin and traced it gently, her fingers whispering over his skin and causing bumps to rise. Felicity had touched him before many times, but her attention to the scar thrilled him in a way it never had before. It also showed how much she accepted everything that made him both the Arrow and Oliver.

“Tell me,” she whispered. Felicity nuzzled her face into his neck, her fingers lingering on the puckered flesh as he tried to slow his thumping heart. This was acceptance, but it still felt strange to begin the story. Most people believed he had been alone on the island, but he knew Felicity thought otherwise. She kept quiet though, never sharing her thoughts with him about his time away. He appreciated the way she would always let him tell the story and not force his hand.

“It was Slade’s partner, “ Oliver started slowly, testing out how the story felt leaving his lips. “He never spoke, but he tortured me. This was the first wound he inflicted” 

Her fingers slowed and Oliver’s stomach seized up as he wondered what she was thinking. Her head bent and her lips kissed the scar warmly and tenderly. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he thought of all the times she had kissed his chest, but never that scar particularly. Now she knew the story and seemed to revere the scar even more because of it.

“Why do you keep your pain buried?” she asked as she tucked her head back under his chin. The question was honest and she sounded so innocent asking him.

“To protect everyone from what those years made me.”

“They made you care.”

The lump in his throat was unexpected. No matter how many times she suffered because of him, Felicity was still willing to let her heart encircle him. She didn’t ask questions, she just did. No matter the lives he had taken to get to this point, she still loved him fiercely. Other women walked in and out of his life, too scared by what he made them feel, but Felicity never shied away from all the scars, both physical and mental. Her feelings were unconditional, no matter what others said. This was what acceptance felt like and Oliver knew it could be something he was comfortable with, over time.

“You are what Luin Yu made you, but not the dark part Chase wants you to believe,” she said honestly. There was no judgement, even though she knew the truth about Oliver. 

“How do you do that?” Oliver asked and squeezed her shoulder trying to draw her closer to him. All of his body screamed to be nearer to her than was physically possible, but he tried to hold his feelings at bay. This was a time to heal and nothing more.

“Do what?” the words muffled against his neck, sending a tingle up his spine with each breath.

“Make me feel as though I’m doing the right thing?”

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him. Her eyes were beautiful as she took in his features, her fingers tracing his jawline in a sign of affection. This was where he belonged, no matter how many times he tried to fight it.

“Because you are,” she said quietly.

“Then why does it feel as though everyone who comes near me suffers?” he asked fingers covering hers as they stilled together. This was his honesty. 

“Because we chose to help you, we know the risks,” Felicity said.

“But it’s not something I should ask any of you to do,” Oliver said, voice rising. Her fingers squeezed his to still his thumping heart and his temper cooled. Felicity was the one person who had the ability to take away all the fears that threatened to spill out of him. She was his even keel when things seemed out of control.

“What happened with Chase?” Oliver asked unable to keep the questions away that had been nagging him since her return. Felicity averted her eyes and pulled her fingers away from his. In that moment, she distanced herself from him. Oliver wanted to pull her back, but her face told him she needed the space, even if just to tell him about the ordeal. He knew about space and the horrible things that sometimes lingered in it’s darkness. 

“It was so dark,” she started, voice trembling. Oliver wanted to reach out to her, but lay still, listening to her breathing. If he moved too quickly, she might be frightened and stop the story immediately.

“They put a bag over my head and stayed silent,” she continued. “I couldn’t see anything until I was in the room with the gas.”

Oliver felt the mattress tremble as she shivered, reliving the terrible moments of her kidnapping. The anger at Chase and himself intensified. How could he let Chase walk away so easily? Oliver was a failure. He’d failed her and now she was reliving the terrible pain to ease his mind. 

“I saw Adrian twice,” she said and the shivering turned into sobs. Oliver pulled her back against him to ease her pain and felt her body shake violently as the ordeal replayed in her mind.

“Shhhh,” he said soothing her. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

There was silence as she cried. Oliver held her so that she would know he was there whenever she needed him. The quietness between them stretched and finally Felicity’s breathing came in even sighs and he knew she was sleeping again.

Oliver’s phone vibrated in his pocket and with his free hand, he checked it. The number was unknown and it was a text. Swiping to open it, the picture was a horrific photo of Adrian Chase on top of Felicity, raping her. The phone slipped from his hand and slid onto the floor with a muted thud against the thick rug near the bed.

Pulling her closer, Oliver buried his face in her hair, letting tears slip from beneath closed eyelids. This was his fault. It all went back to the moment he needed Felicity to save him. 

Chase raped her and Oliver just let him walk away as though nothing happened. It was injustice and it was unforgivable. 

This was all Oliver’s fault and he couldn’t let Chase live. If Chase wanted him to be a killer, then he would be exactly the man that bastard wanted. To hell with his own soul, Felicity's was much more valuable to him.


	8. Chapter 8

“Where is Adrian Chase?” the Arrow asked in a husky voice, bow pulled taught, arrow poised to fly free. The man at the end of the point was shaking visibly from head-to-toe. That was the fear the Arrow was hoping to elicit to get the answers he demanded.

“He’s gone,” the man yelled. “He hasn’t contacted me in days.”

“Sounds plausible,” Diggle said into the Arrow’s ear. He missed hearing Felicity as she talked him through the mission, sometimes babbling about things that weren’t always on topic. Unfortunately, Overwatch couldn’t know what he was doing. She already had gone through enough because of him. This didn’t need to be another reason she cried over Oliver.

He let go of the string, the arrow flying straight into the man’s shoulder. There was a groan of pain, but the Arrow ignored it. There was plenty of more pain where that arrow came from. It was just waiting to find the right target. The one who deserved it. 

“Tell Chase I’m coming for him,” the Arrow growled and then he made a quick exit as he fired and arrow and pulled himself away from the scene.

The lair was quiet when the Arrow returned. The bow back on it’s pedestal and a quick change brought Oliver back to the surface, the Arrow patiently waiting for his chance to bring justice to the person who violated Felicity so horribly. The Arrow wasn’t always patient, but this time he would relish the wait to get what he wanted.

“So any leads?” Oliver asked as he stood behind Dig who had taken over the operations center of the lair.

“Nothing,” he said with a sigh. John didn’t like to lose either, but if he knew what Oliver did about Felicity’s time away, Chase would beg for death. John would pull the whole world down to exact revenge for the people he loved. Oliver had seen it before with Deadshot. Chase didn’t know who he was messing with when it came to Dig.

Oliver wanted to protect him though. Even Felicity didn’t know about the picture and the fact that the person closest to her knew what Chase had done. It didn’t feel right to expose her secret to someone without permission.

He would wait for her to tell him. This was her pain and when she was ready, he would be there, just like he always was when the world seemed to be falling apart for her.

“Then we find another target,” Oliver said roughly and rubbed his face.

“I thought you were going to honor your deal with Chase,” Dig said turning the chair to look at Oliver with probing eyes.

“I can’t,” Oliver said averting his eyes, afraid of what they would give away about the situation.

“What did he do to our girl?” Dig asked rising from the chair and crossing the short distance to where Oliver stood studying the floor of the lair as though it was the most interesting thing in the room.

Our girl.

The words sank like a knife into his heart. Oliver should have protected her so much more than he had even attempted to do. This was on him and he was dragging them all down into the deep darkness as though he was a stone tied to their necks.

“Go home for the night,” Oliver said trying to brush away the discussion. He put his hand on Dig’s shoulder as though to encourage him. Dig needed to think of his family and not hunting down leads. Oliver didn’t want to steal another person from their family as he had so many others.

“You didn’t answer me,” John said. Oliver shook his head and his mouth formed into a thin line. 

“John, you don’t want this on your mind,” Oliver said with a tired sigh. No one wanted this on their mind, but Oliver would willingly shoulder the pain if it meant keeping others from having to share the anguish of the horrible crime.

“And you have to carry it alone?”

“She doesn’t know that I have more information about her capture than she has told me,” Oliver replied throwing up his hands helplessly.

“Tell me,” John yelled at Oliver and there was a moment he thought Dig might physically try to extract the information from him.

“Chase is sicker than we ever though he was,” Oliver started and then stopped. The words still felt so foreign to him as he thought about letting them slip between his lips. “He raped her John.”

The anger that flashed through the soldier’s eyes was the kind of fire born from war. John’s whole body clenched, hands in fists at his sides as though he was ready to tear Chase limb from limb with his bare hands. Thankfully Dig was a professional and holding onto a thin line to keep himself together. 

“Chase wanted me to be a murderer and that’s just what he’s going to get,” Oliver said trying to calm the other man down by telling him exactly what he had in mind for Chase.

“I can’t go home,” Dig said through gritted teeth, his breathing coming in shallow bursts as his hands flexed and then formed into fists again.

“Your family needs you,” Oliver said. “Let me take care of Chase.”

“This is about our team, Oliver. You can’t expect me to sit at home while you hunt him alone,” Dig said anger rising in his voice. Oliver realized just how selfish he was being by not letting John fight for someone who meant so much to him. But it seemed as of late that Oliver was the most selfish of them all.

“I love her John,” Oliver shouted. “And this is killing me inside. I’ve been tortured and it wasn’t this painful. I should’ve gone for her, but I stayed here broken because Chase pointed out what I truly was. How could I let this happen to her?”

John grabbed him by the shoulders, their eyes meeting in deep understanding. The emotion they shared was intense and Oliver knew John felt the same guilt. The soldier understood that Oliver needed to exact this revenge to cleanse his soul. Oliver didn’t want the burden of the darkness to descend on John, a man he considered his brother. A person that deserved so much better.

“Chase did this to her, not you,” John reminded him.

“Physically it wasn’t me, but I put her in that position because of my inaction,” Oliver said harshly. He needed to hit something and let out the feelings he had been holding in check since the photo appeared on his phone.

“Damn it John,” Oliver said. “How are we going to find Chase?”

“Bait,” John said with an intense look that carried all the pain and hopes of the situation they found themselves in. At least one of them had a plan and Oliver knew it would be a good one.


	9. Chapter 9

“Dinner in Central City?” Felicity asked. Oliver nodded at her and smiled. John and Oliver spent hours putting everything into motion for the evening. There had been a leak to the press that the Mayor of Star City would be visiting Central City. It helped that the leak also had the complete itinerary for the night.  From the few social media posts and tweets he had been monitoring, Oliver had seen there was some buzz and he hoped they would attract Chase. If there was one thing the former prosecutor craved, it was attention.

Oliver would be open. There would be a chance that the other man would come and find him. It was the one thing they hoped more than anything by putting Felicity in danger.

Oliver waited for Felicity to answer. She gave a smile as though she was testing it out first and then the smile deepened becoming more vibrant, resembling ones she gave Oliver freely before Chase kidnapped her. Oliver actually saw that it reached her eyes for the first time in a long time and he felt his heart warm.

“Sure, but I have nothing to wear,” Felicity said, her eyes flashing over her shoulder at her open closet door. 

“No worries,” Oliver said pulling out his phone and tapping a few different screens and then putting it on speaker so Felicity could hear. “Thea got a dress for Felicity yet?”

“Ollie you can’t rush these things,” his sister replied in exasperation. The sound of her voice brought a smile to his lips. He’d missed her and was glad that she was back in his life, if only for as long as she could stand to stay in the area.

“We have reservations in two hours,” he reminded her.

“I think I have one,” Thea said. “I'm heading your way now,” 

He thumbed off his phone and smiled at Felicity. “Dress on the way.”

“Oh...OK,” Felicity said and he could hear the trepidation in her voice. Oliver knew that this would be difficult for her because she had been in her apartment since the kidnapping. John and Oliver were her only companions. Going out in public after the kidnapping would rub her nerves raw, he knew, but it was part of the plan and Oliver needed her to agree. 

“If you don’t want to, I can order something in,” he offered knowing the plans they laid would fall apart and they would have to rethink everything. Chase would continue to elude them, but there was always another day if it meant Felicity would feel comfortable. He wanted to respect her feelings because he knew she was hurting in ways that she hadn’t even expressed to him yet.

“No…” she started and rubbed her hands nervously on her thighs. “I’ll just go get cleaned up before Thea gets here.”

Oliver nodded and left her alone to take a shower. As he was descending the stairs, John cleared his throat. The former bodyguard had his arms crossed over his chest, brow furrowed.

“I still think it’s too soon for Felicity,” he said disapproval apparent in his voice, obviously overhearing the conversation the pair had upstairs. They had discussed the plan at length in the lair and Oliver thought hard about the choice he was making. Felicity would be safe with both of them there. He knew that she was needed to draw Chase from hiding. It was all about the illusion at this point and John had to be on board as much as everyone else.

“We need her,” Oliver said in a hushed tone. “One sound bite about me searching for Chase and we’ve snared him. As long as she is by my side, there is still a witness and that is something he doesn’t want John.”

John’s eyes were stoic. Oliver had taken risks plenty of times and John always disapproved. This time he would have to trust it was the right call on Oliver’s part. They had to be a pair and make the sure Felicity was safe for the evening. 

A knock at the door broke them from their conversation. Thea stuck her head in the door and smiled. She was like fresh air clearing away all of the trepidation the two men were feeling.

“What’s going on in here?” she asked reading the tension between the two men.

“Nothing,” John was the first to speak and smiled at Thea. He bent and pecked her lightly on the cheek.

“So that’s the dress?” Oliver asked changing the subject before another person was brought in on the plan and it started to fall apart.

“Yes,” Thea said and waved the garment bag in his direction. “No peeking though.”

She ran up the steps and out of sight. Oliver fidgeted, removing the gray suit jacket and placing it over the back of one of the dining chairs. Plopping down, his body felt weighted. This had to work or they were putting everyone in danger for nothing. Chase had to take the bait.

Before he knew it an hour had passed. If they were going to make their reservation, they needed to leave now. As if on cue, Thea came half skipping down the stairs a smile on her lips. Evidently the make over for the evening had gone well.

“She’s ready,” his sister smirked and Oliver rose from the chair as Felicity started her descent. The dress was silver shimmer cloth and clung to her hips before ending just below the knee. A silver chain gathered the material at the neck, giving it even more elegance. The waist was cinched tight, hugging the small curve above Felicity’s hips.

Oliver’s body cried out to be with her as she made it to the bottom of the stairs, strappy silver stiletto heels finishing out her outfit. It was more than he could take in. 

“Wow,” was all he could say. The words were like a whispered prayer and Oliver looked around, everyone’s eyes on him. Trying to act nonchalant, Oliver grabbed his jacket and shrugged it on. Taking his time, buttoning the top button as he took in Felicity’s total appearance, the curls piled on top of her head, earrings brushing the tops of her shoulders. He wanted to remember this and he wanted her.

God he hated that Chase had violated her. The anger inside him started to bubble. He just needed to get this over with so they could all start to heal. They had to heal because Oliver needed Felicity to feel that she deserved what he wanted so badly to give her.

“We should get going,” Oliver said sliding his hand into the small of Felicity’s back. The touch meant to be more than just to guide her out of the door, As they made skin to skin contact, Oliver wanted it to be a promise that this would all be over soon. 

“I’ll get the car,” Dig said holstering his sidearm and slipping his navy blue sports jacket on. He hurried past Oliver and out the door.

Felicity looked a little nervous as she fumbled with her shoulder wrap. Oliver easily helped her get the wrap onto her shoulders, his hands brushing over her soft bare shoulders. Felicity grabbed his hand and squeezed gently as though to thank him.

“You are really good at that,” she said smiling over her shoulder, her breath hot against his lingering hand. 

“I grew up in a house with two women who were high society. I’ve got years of experience,” Oliver whispered in her ear. The small giggle from her lightened his heart if only for a minute.

Hell was about to rain down all around them and Oliver’s stomach tightened, preparing for battle.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have been away so long. I have had a pinched nerve in my back and I wasn't able to sit in the computer chair to bring you this awesome update. I'm going to try and update at least three times this week, so that we can get this story moving. It's completely written and I know where we are going to the end. I hope you stay around and see where we end up.   
> Thanks for all the readers and kudos! Catch me on tumblr as Obibaldwin.

Felicity snuggled next to him, Oliver putting his arm around her as the car rolled towards the heliport. The only sound that of the air rushing by the sealed windows. The motion seemed to lull him as they continued on their journey. Oliver felt himself relaxing.

“I thought we could get to Central City a little more quickly than by car,” Oliver said letting her settle into his body. Here he could protect her when the world outside was trying, and succeeding, in hurting her. There were no barriers to her safety in this moment. It was a content feeling to be Felicity’s safety, one Oliver found himself cherishing. 

She hummed a reply he couldn’t understand as they continued to enjoy the amicable silence. Oliver enjoyed the calm before whatever storm Adrian Chase was about to unleash on them and he knew it would come. The question was what would it look like and who would it be disguised as. Those were the unknowns in his mind and unknowns were what got people killed. 

“How did you rate this treatment?” Felicity asked quietly as the car pulled alongside the helicopter pad, her eyes widening at the idea of taking off in Star City’s own helicopter for the evening.

“Still the Mayor,” Oliver said and flashed her a smile he used to win many debates during his short time as mayor. “Haven’t been to the office much, but they still give me some privileges as long as I take the heat when things go badly.”

The car slowed and then stopped, Dig opened the door and Oliver exited reaching behind him to grab Felicity’s hand and help her from the car. Oliver stopped to look at Felicity in the bright lights of the landing pad. The dress sparkled as though illuminated from within, just like her soul.  She looked like the stars in the night sky and his heart started to beat more quickly in his chest as Oliver gripped Felicity’s fingers more tightly. Something inside of him wanted everyone to know that she belonged to him, even if it wasn’t official between them. 

It wasn’t as though they were an item in the common sense of the term, but something inside him wanted them to be an us and not just two separate people roaming through the world. It was something they would have to talk about after Chase was dead and only after Chase was dead.

Dig entered the helicopter first and took Felicity’s hand, helping her navigate the large step up to the inside. Once she was settled Oliver climbed in next to her, his hand finding her knee and squeezing gently. Her timid smile made the corners of his lips twist up in return. She always brightened his day, no matter how dire the situation.

“Twenty minutes until landing,” the pilot said as the helicopter started to rise. Felicity gripped his hand as the chopper rose more quickly. Oliver reminded himself that not everyone was at ease with flying and held her hand tightly in his.

“Ready?” he asked quietly leaning into her. Felicity warmly squeezed his hand in reply, no words needing to pass between them.

“For what?” she asked a small smile crossing her lips. Oliver felt his heart rising in his throat. She had no idea what was coming and hated the spot they were in, but it was for the best to protect those he loved. 

“I know this might be difficult. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, tell me,” Oliver said sincerely. “Baby steps, right?”

She nodded slightly, fidgeting absently with one of her earrings. He could tell she was nervous, but was putting on a brave face for him. 

“You look beautiful,” he said before he stopped to think. She giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

Oliver shook his head and let his smile deepen. She brought him joy when there was little joy to be found. That was the specialty Felicity brought to the team. Not only was she smart, she could make Oliver see the good in his life when the darkness threatened to choke it out.

“Five minutes until landing,” the pilot announced. “Looks like you have a crowd waiting at the helipad.”

Looking out the window, Oliver saw a small knot of people bustling about. The release had worked and Oliver would use these people to his advantage.They would attract Chase and the storyline he and Dig wrote, would be played out. 

The helicopter settled easily onto the pad and the engine idled down, the whine dying away. Diggle opened the door and Oliver stepped out, flashes going off and momentarily blinding him as the reporters began snapping pictures. He offered his hand to Felicity, helping her down the small stairs.

Placing his body in between her and the reporters, he ran his hands up both her arms, reassuring her that they were fine and there was nothing to worry about. This wasn’t about all the people waiting to see her and him. It was about leading Chase out of hiding and making sure that he paid for what he had done to Felicity. 

The pain in his shoulder was quick and unexpected, his ears taking in the sound of an object breaking through the air. Looking down, Oliver saw the redness spreading across his white dress shirt. There was muffled shouting and his knees felt weak. Fire burned through his belly as a second red patch appeared before he had a moment to react to the first one.

Oliver was pushing Felicity back into the helicopter, stumbling as he got to the stairs, his legs threatening to give way altogether. Then arms were around him, lifting him inside and the whine of the engine filled the night sky and Oliver’s ears, or maybe that was the blood rushing from his body. He wasn’t sure because things were growing dimmer around the edges of his vision. 

“Oh God,” Felicity said, her hands shaking as they came to his face. “Oliver stay with me.”

His throat was dry and all he could do was nod, not sure he would ever be able to speak again. He mustered all the strength he could and looked down at the arrows sticking out of his chest, their heads gleaming in the low light of the cabin. 

“Break the front off,” Oliver said, his voice a whisper. Dig’s hands were strong and the arrows cracked, pain shooting through his body as Oliver tried to recover from what he was asking his friend to do.

“If we pull them out, you could bleed out,” Dig said efficiently. It didn’t matter, Oliver needed the arrows out of him and it needed to happen before too much blood clotted around them. That was a pain he never wanted to face again. 

“Do it!” Oliver yelled, his body racked with pain. He was getting light headed, a sure sign the blood loss was already to a dangerous point.

John pushed him down on the seat, his head in Felicity’s lap. He screamed as the first arrow slid from his shoulder. Oliver knew he was going into shock from the chills that were making his limbs shake. Gripping Felicity’s hands, Oliver waited as he felt John’s hand on the second arrow. His fingers couldn’t grip tight enough and he heard a curse from Felicity’s lips.

John tugged and Oliver moaned in pain. He didn’t like to show his weakness, but the pain was unbearable. 

“God damn Oliver that one won’t budge,” the other man growled.

“Give me something to bite on for the pain,” Oliver said, his eyes losing focus on those around him. “You just have to do it and don’t worry about what you hear coming out of my mouth.”

There was scrambling around him as they searched the cabin of the helicopter. Finally Felicity shoved something in his hand and Oliver put it in his mouth. It was thin and tasted like leather, Oliver was sure it was John’s wallet. His hands gripped hers but he tried not to hold too tightly so that he frightened her.

The pain was blinding and Oliver screamed so loudly that it rang in his own ears. If not for whatever was in his mouth, he knew he would’ve bit through his own tongue as the arrow came out of his belly. 

“Press here,” he could barely hear John saying to Felicity. There were hands pressed on him and he felt the world slipping through his fingers, no matter how tightly he tried to hold it. This was the moment he knew that he would be swallowed by the darkness. He had to tell her, before it was too late. 

“Felicity,” his words barely audible as they choked from his dry throat.

“Oliver don’t use your energy,” she said and he could hear her fear. Her voice trembled and she choked on a small sob.

“I’m so sorry,” he said unable to open his eyes to look at her for what might be the last time. It would be a wonderful thing to see as he slipped away, but he couldn’t force his eyes to open.

“Don’t,” she said desperately.

“I know what he did,” Oliver said licking his dry lips. “I am so sorry I didn’t come for you.”

He could hear her sobbing, but he was so tired. The world was floating away quickly. He felt himself floating along in the current of pure peace. That was a place he had longed for many times and always fought against. This time though, Oliver didn’t think he could fight anymore. There wasn’t anything left inside of him and the peacefulness was calling.

“Stay with me,” he heard her say faintly from far away.

The blackness had come to devour him and he let himself slip inside.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an interim chapter, but a needed moment between Oliver and Felicity. To all those who have left comments. Thank you! I know many people are asking about why Oliver didn't wear protection when he was setting himself up to be shot, but you have to remember he is playing the long game here and there is a method to my madness.  
> I hope you enjoy! Thanks again for reading and all the comments. They brighten my day.  
> There will be another updated tomorrow, so stay tuned for more Olicty goodness.

Jerking awake, Oliver tired to move his arms the pain searing through his belly as he found that it was  restrained.. He was being held, but by who, he didn’t know and wasn’t sure he was in any shape to fight his way out of the room if it came to that point.

Trying to focus his eyes, the room swam around him, blotches of crisp white walls made him clamp them shut again, Oliver’s stomach threatened  to revolt. Taking some deep breathes to calm his stomach, Oliver let his eyelids flutter open again. If he was going to get out of here, he had to find out just where here was and make a plan.

“Felicity,” he moaned, a hand was in his in an instant and she was there, eyes red from tears he was sure she had been crying. Her dress was tattered and stained with his blood, but it couldn’t remove the beauty of who she was and how he thought he would never see her again.

“Oliver,” she whispered and her face screwed up as she started to cry again. He hated to see the tears falling from her eyes because they were always over him.

“Get me out of this,” he said pulling against the strap holding his arm down. Despite the pain, he wanted to be free to touch her and comfort her.  She fumbled with the buckle, freeing his wrist and arm. Oliver slipped his hand to the back of her neck and pulled her close, trying to comfort her as best he could.

“I'm fine,” he said so only she could hear. “I’ve had worse.”

She pulled back and looked at him, eyes piercingly blue against the redness of her cheeks. There was a small smile tugging at her lips, but it was gone as quickly as it came. Oliver wanted it to stay, but he knew she was hurting.

“They said they didn’t know if you would live,” she hiccupped, the sobs threatening to choke her, the pain she was feeling barely hidden beneath the calmness of her eyes. This was Felicity when she was almost broken, again. Oliver put her here and he wasn’t sure she would be able to pull herself together again. 

Oliver wasn’t sure she would be the same Felicity and he would hate for her sunshine to fade from his life. 

“I’m here,” were the only words he could give her.

It was all she needed to hear and the sobs began again. Fresh tears trickled down her cheeks. Trying to pull her closer, he felt the pain in his shoulder as stitches began to pull against angry skin. It didn’t matter, Oliver wanted her near and the fucking restraints were pissing him off. 

“Shhh…” he soothed. “Why am I strapped down?” he asked trying to move his legs, but finding they were bound as well. If he wanted to, he was sure he could slip them, but there would be a price. Oliver didn’t want to have Felicity patch him up, yet again, so he needed her help to get out of the restraints.

“You were fighting against the doctors as they tried to keep you alive,” Felicity said, the tears starting to subside enough for her voice to sound somewhat normal. “You were screaming that you would kill him, over and over again.”

Oliver sighed and tried to let the feel of her hand on his arm soothe him. By now he was sure the attempt on his life was splashed all over the news. The fact that Oliver was screaming about killing someone probably wouldn’t look good if any of the staff of the hospital decided to talk. It was best that they put him under before he incriminated himself any further.

“I have to get out of here,” he said trying to push himself up on his elbows and setting his jaw against the pain. Her hands were on his shoulders, pushing him back into the mattress without a word. Oliver tried to protest, but his stomach was beginning to ache in that way it did when he knew he was overdoing it.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Felicity said, her voice stronger than he remember it ever being. There was a fire in her eyes and Oliver placated her by settling back into his bed and letting the stillness of his position calm the pain. Alarms were blaring on his heartrate monitor and a nurse appeared in the doorway, blocking out the stark light from the hallway.

“Mayor Queen,” she said the surprise on her face made his lips quirk up in a small smile. Obviously she didn’t think he would be awake this quickly, but Oliver was always an overachiever when it came to recovery. After her fingers tapped on the monitor, she turned and left the room, leaving Felicity and Oliver alone to talk about his final words that weighed on the moment.

“About what I said after I was shot,” he started and stopped not knowing exactly how he would finish the thought. There were no words he could say to change what happened to her. He was strong, but his strength didn’t help. There were no weapons he could use to drive away the demons inside her. This was all so new and yet still the same story that played over and over between them.

Oliver knew demons and they weren’t easily banished. Felicity didn’t deserve the kinds of darkness that came with torture, but Oliver made sure that the torture was inevitable for her. There would be no escape from the kind of life they lived.

“I know it was just you saying goodbye,” she said, her eyes avoiding his. He took her chin in his hand, forcing her eyes to look at him. This was important. Oliver wanted her to know that it was no one’s fault when it came to the death of Adrian Chase, least of all Felicity’s. 

“I was apologizing because I know what he did,” Oliver said solemnly. “I’m going to kill him Felicity for all the pain he caused you.”

She was silent, her eyes glazing with tears again. There was nothing she could say to stop him. Chase wanted a killer and Oliver would give him just what he deserved and wanted. There would be no stopping the pain and hatred that would fly with the arrow that pierced Chase’s heart. The darkness inside him smiled. Oliver would feed it again if only for Felicity's sake.

“Don’t sell your soul for me,” Felicity cried. He could feel her pain and it twisted his insides because he caused it. This was the exact place he was trying to avoid them being in and yet they were knee deep in the muck together now.

“You are more important than anything,” he said softly. “My soul is worth you.”

She was hugging him now, Oliver pulled her close with his one free hand cursing the pain, but not letting it stop him from being close to her. Then she was kissing him, her lips the one thing he knew could still the demons they both held inside. Felicity’s lips were the light he’d always been seeking and it warmed him from the inside out.

Pulling away from him, the look in her eyes was of confusion and hurt. Felicity’s doubt was surfacing again. Oliver knew she hated blood on her hands, even if he was the one doing the killing, but this was something different. This was something he had to do.

“I can’t…” she started and turned abruptly, almost running, from the room. Oliver’s mouth was open wanting to call to her and stop her, but he wasn’t quick enough and she was gone. Oliver hated himself. He punched his fist angrily into the mattress. Yet again he’d screwed up with her. 

When would he learn not to let the feelings he had for Felicity screw up her life?


	12. Chapter 12

“Easy,” John said holding onto Oliver’s waist as he tried to sit down on the bed in the lair. His injuries were healing, but he was far from being ready to take on Adrian Chase. 

“God damn Dig,” Oliver huffed. “I’m not made of glass.”

They were treating him as though he’d never been hurt before. He’d spent years being hurt with no medical attention in sight. This was just a minor inconvenience to his plan to kill Chase. This wasn’t something he had to stitch himself up from and for that he was thankful. 

“I think you should have stayed in the hospital a little longer,” the old soldier said watching Oliver as though he might break at any minute.

“He’s out there and I know what he did,” Oliver raised his voice causing pain to shoot  through his shoulder. He wasn’t one hundred percent and it would be a long time before he would have the strength to hold his bow. That would be something he would just have to work out later when it became a necessity.

“I’m unable to do what needs to be done,” he said disgusted at himself. The frustration was infuriating. John sighed the sigh he used when he thought Oliver was being too stubborn or stupid for his own good. It irritated him even more and he wanted to lash out, but knew John didn’t deserve it.

“Something to add?” Oliver asked looking at the other man expectantly.

“Maybe what you need to do is right here in front of you, not some shadow you need to chase,” Dig said.

“Felicity …”

John nodded and Oliver felt his heart twist in his chest. There was no denying Oliver wasn’t giving enough attention to what happened to her and the pain he was sure she was enduring silently. He hated the focus being the Arrow put in his mind. Sometimes he blocked out everything around him and that was what caused relationships to be elusive. If he couldn’t pay attention to those that needed him, what was he doing all of this for anyway?

“She needs you,” John said and a knowing look passed between them. It was the look of two men who knew that she would never ask them straight out to help her, but needed them nonetheless. 

“You too,” Oliver said. No matter how much John wanted to make this about his relationship with Felicity, Oliver wanted to push it away. He wanted to hide from all the feelings that were just too much. They threatened to overwhelm him and he wanted to run, but Felicity needed him.

“She doesn’t want to see me,” Oliver winced as he tried to lay back against his pillow and get a little more comfortable on the bed.

“I don’t think Felicity knows what to feel when it comes to you,” Dig said honestly.

“I am not easy to get along with,” Oliver agreed. That got him a minor eyeroll for the other man, but the soft smile was one of knowing all too well how much Oliver was a pain in the backside.

They sat in silence for several minutes as Oliver tried to get comfortable again. Finally Oliver looked at the other man expectantly, waiting for him to impart some wisdom to Oliver.

“So marriage counselor Diggle, what should I do to help her?” Oliver asked finally.

“That depends on you, Oliver,” John replied. “What do you want to do about it?”

Felicity was his light and if he didn’t act, she would fade from his life. This was his time to loan her some of the strength she had always given him. If he didn’t give her what she needed and give into the feeling he knew he was having, then Felicity might seek comfort from someone else and Oliver wouldn’t be able to stomach it if she did.

“I need to make a statement to the people of the city,” Oliver said. “Once that is done, it’s time to heal, for everyone.”

John nodded his head in agreement. Finally they were all on the same page and there was a plan. Oliver was good with plans. He knew where it was taking him and what to expect.

“Thanks Dig,” Oliver said quietly and smiled at his old friend. Where would Oliver be without Dig? And Felicity?

“She’s my girl so don’t screw this up again.”

Oliver settled back into his bed, but the pain in his stomach made finding a comfortable position almost impossible. He didn’t like painkillers because they fogged his brain too much. Unfortunately the pain was doing the same at this point. If things didn’t ease up soon, Oliver would be forced to take something that would at least take the edge off. 

When did his bed get so hard and lonely? He was longing for the days before he tried to bait Chase, when he was alone with Felicity. They needed to get away from Star City and find themselves again. They needed to find each other.

Many would say Oliver was running away again like he had after Tommy died and The Glades were destroyed. Maybe he was, but Felicity didn’t need people prying into her life because she was seen with the Mayor. What she needed was his undying love and all the support he could give to her, not tabloids trying to dig up anything they could find on her. What they found, Oliver wouldn’t like and he didn’t want to be responsible for what happened to those that did the digging.

Oliver just hoped she would take the help he wanted to give her. The way she looked at him in the hospital made him wonder if she would take his help ever. She acted as though he was the last thing she wanted to be near. Oliver didn’t really blame her at this point.

“Can I come in?” Felicity’s voice came from the door. Oliver couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his lips at the sound of her voice. 

“Anytime,” he said patting the bed next to him, encouraging her to have a seat. Felicity sank onto the bed, her normal skirt replaced by sweat pants, her hair in it’s signature ponytail, but her eyes were red rimmed. He knew she wasn’t sleeping and that made two of them.

“Can we talk?” she asked picking at her fingernails. The nervousness surrounded her and he put his hand on hers to still them. 

“I told you that you could always tell me about your day,” he said gently. She smiled, a good sign.

“I’m sorry about the hospital,” she apologized quietly.

“Don’t apologize,” he said soothing her. She shook her head at his words as though she needed to tell him she was sorry.

“I was so scared and my emotions took over,” she replied. “I know you're not in the same place I am when it comes to us.”

Oliver put a finger to her lips. He didn’t want her to think he didn’t love her. He had since he walked into her cubicle and saw her chewing that red pen. There had been too much time spent worrying about how loving him would hurt her that he didn’t realize it didn’t matter. She would be hurt no matter how far he pushed her away and the pushing would only make things worse.

“Stop making excuses,” Oliver said lowering his finger. “I love you and I’ve been a terrible person no matter how many times I push you away, I’ve hurt you.”

The tears in her eyes came easily, proving how raw their emotions were. She was bruised, but not broken. He was the same. Together he hoped they would find salvation amidst the darkness that continued to threaten them.

“Let’s start over,” he said. “We need to get away from all the things that complicate what we have.”

Felicity was in his arms, fiercely hugging him and pain shot through him.

“Ouch!”

“Oh God, Oliver,” she said pulling back. “I forgot.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled gently through clenched teeth. Her awkwardness was endearing. Those times when she just couldn’t stop talking always made him laugh. These were the things missing from his life and he was determined to get them back, no matter what the price.

It was time to start living again. Felicity was his ticket to life and normalcy, but there was one thing he needed to do before they could truly live their happily ever after.


	13. Chapter 13

“Adrian Chase will be found and brought to justice,” Oliver said as he stood before a large group of reporters. It took all his strength to stand at the podium as though his injuries were nonexistent. It was to send a clear message that he was still in control. The people of Star City needed strength after the mistakes made during the era of Adrian Chase, Oliver needed to take control again and this was his first step. Presenting a Mayor that would not be taken down so easily.

“I will be taking a short leave of absence following the attempt on my life,” Oliver continued. “I would ask that all respect afforded me be afforded Lt. Mayor Lance in my absence.”

As the reporters barked questions at him, Oliver strode from the room and into his office where he collapsed into his office chair, his body still weak from his injuries. It took all of his strength just to stand as though he didn’t hurt, when it was clear he hurt all over and not just from Chase’s arrows.

“Good speech,” Dig said as he entered the office. “Do you think taunting Chase is the best idea at this point?”

Oliver sighed. He’d made choices and calling out Chase was the biggest gamble he was taking. If Chase searched for him and found him too quickly, Oliver wouldn’t be able to take him out because his body just wouldn’t allow it. This was all about timing. They needed to play their cards just right.

“All my stuff ready to go?” Oliver asked changing the subject because he didn’t feel like rehashing the plan with Dig again.

“Felicity is waiting in the car,” Dig said and pointed towards the door. Oliver cleared the papers from his desk and followed Dig.Slipping into the back seat of the car, Oliver unbuttoned the jacket he was wearing and relaxed into the leather seat.

“Where are we going?” Felicity asked, her hand slipping easily into his as though no time passed between them.

“Secret,” he said closing his eyes as the car started to move. He relaxed enough to slip off to sleep, Felicity’s head resting gently on his shoulder. There was peace in that small area and in that small amount of time.

As the car slowed noticeably, his eyes opened. He was greeted by the sight of  a quaint cottage near the beach. Inside he felt himself breathe again, the anguish of the past couple of weeks melting away.

“Beautiful,” Felicity gasped next to him, her fingers clamping down on his.

“But with wifi,” he laughed. She feigned hitting him, but stopped taking into consideration his injuries. Her lips, instead brushed against his cheek for a moment.

“All the luxuries,” Felicity laughed and Oliver was sure it was his favorite sound. There was nothing that would ever replace it’s spot in his heart.

The hope was that they would have time to get to know each other again. When they were in Star City they were always Arrow and Overwatch. Here, surrounded by the water and sand, they could be Oliver and Felicity. It was a welcome change, even he had an ulterior motive.

“Let’s go down to the water,” she said excitedly. Felicity was a different creature here. She seemed carefree and centered. The trauma Chase caused seemed to melt away, if only for the moment.

Oliver knew it wouldn’t last, but Felicity deserved the respite. He wanted to give her that before she realized that this was a ploy to flush Chase out. If Chase thought the trip to Central City was the bait, he’d been sadly mistaken. Dig and Oliver always played towards the end game on every mission. This one was no different. They would lure Chase to the remote area and end him. No questions asked and few witnesses.

It all sounded so simple, if Oliver could rehab enough to fire his bow.

“Sounds great,” Oliver smiled.

They climbed from the car and Felicity quickly shed her heels, carrying them in one hand and gripping his hand with the other. The wind was salty and blew Felicity’s skirt tight against her legs as they made their way to the edge of the water.

Felicity looked out across the great expanse, the usually neat ponytail whipped by the wind, small tendrils of blonde hair framing her face. He slid his arms around her waist, pulling her close against his body. Gently he planted a kiss on top of her head.

In this moment, Oliver knew how much he loved Felicity. The fierceness of that love was what forced him to kill Chase. If Chase was left alive after he violated Felicity, then Oliver would never be able to move on. Chase needed to pay with his life, a check that was already written, just waiting for Oliver to cash it.

He sighed, feeling both content and weary. Although in peak physical shape, his body needed a chance to mend. The whirlwind of the last couple of days was starting to wear on him.

“Are you tired?” Felicity asked turning easily in his arms and smiling up at him, the small tendrils of hair brushing against Oliver’s face.

“Yes,” he admitted. It had been so long since he truly rested, maybe more than five years.

“C’mon,” Felicity said taking his hand and pulling him back towards the cottage. “We have plenty of time to take in the view while we are here.”

Taking their time walking back up the beach, Felicity and Oliver finally reach the cottage. The inside of the small space was bright and decorated with a nautical motive. The blues and natural tones were calming to Oliver. Dig had done well with the minimal time he had to get things arranged.

“You want to take a nap?” Felicity asked smiling at him a little more suggestively than he was sure she meant it to be.

“Go ahead and climb into bed,” Oliver said. “I just want to finalize some things with Dig.”

Oliver went back out on the small front porch were Dig was waiting patiently.

“How close are you?” Oliver asked conversationally should Felicity be spying on them through the window.

“Two houses down across the street,” he said. “There are monitors in all the rooms here and proximity alarms for the windows.”

Dig called in several favors to get everything done as quickly as he could, but with Oliver’s injuries, precautions had to be taken. Chas would not wait for Oliver to heal before making a move, if they were found. They had a week at the most on the other man, but not much more.

“I hope this works Oliver,” Dig said his voice tight. 

“Me too,” Oliver said and patted the other man on the shoulder. Without another word they went their separate ways, each knowing what was at stake.

Finding Felicity nestled in the one bedroom’s large king size bed, her hair loose and falling around her shoulders, Oliver knew they were doing the right thing for her.

Grabbing his sleep pants and a t-shirt, Oliver slipped into the adjoining bathroom. He pulled off his jacket and tie, dress shirt and white undershirt. The bandages were stark against his skin as he peered at himself in the mirror. Gingerly he pulled up the tape on the one on his belly. The wound was red and perfectly stitched. He was sure it wouldn’t scar as badly as his others.

Pulling off his dress pants, Oliver pulled on his sleep pants and left everything else in the bathroom.

“Can you give me a hand?” he asked pushing a bandage towards Felicity.

“You aren’t supposed to be messing with those,” she said taking the bandage and pushing him back on the bed. There was something so attractive about her when she was mothering him.

Felicity straddled his legs, tearing open the bandage. Her fingers gingerly laid the adhesive against his skin. Her touch ignited a fire inside of him that had been doused for too long. Oliver grew uncomfortable with the way she was sitting on him. Shifting, he rolled her off and she giggled as she hit the mattress.

“Sleep now,” he said cuddling up to her. She pulled the covers over him, her head tucked gently under his chin.

“I love you Mr. Queen,” Felicity said Lazily.

Oliver’s heart clenched. History was clear when it came to those he loved. He hoped this would break that horrific cycle.


	14. Chapter 14

They spent the first couple of days at their retreat getting into a routine that suited them both. When Oliver wasn’t sleeping, they were spending time out on the beach, walking back and forth and talking. Oliver spent time getting to know Felicity again. In secret, he was trying to gain his arm strength back for what was to come soon.

On the third day, in the early morning light, Olier slipped out of bed careful not to disturb Felicity. As his feet hit the cool wood floor, she rolled over and mumbled, forcing Oliver to stand as still as he could for fear of waking her. When the sounds of her breathing returned to the rhythmic sounds of sleep, he crept out of the room.

The hallway was just filling with the rising sun and he popped open the entryway closet. Dig had secreted away his bow and quiver. Shrugging on the straps of the quiver, Oliver felt the pain in his shoulder flare. Taking some deep breathes, the pain diminished and he slipped out the back door of the cottage, barefeet carrying him down the cool sand of the beach. 

The bow felt heavy in his hand as he raised it to shoulder height, .looking past the handle towards a point down the beach. The ache in his shoulder grew as the tendrils of pain shot down his nerve endings, flaring through his arm, causing the bow to waver.

This was just holding the bow and Oliver couldn’t imagine the fire that would ignite in his body when he laid the first arrow against the string and tried to pull it to fire. With a grunt of pain, he twisted to reach the arrows waiting in the quiver. It was excruciating and the bow slipped from his fingers, landing with a thud on the sand.

Rubbing his face with his hand, he tried to remember all the times he’d been counted out and all the times he’d put an arrow through the person doing the counting. This would not be the end. Chase had an arrow meant specifically for him. Oliver would make sure it was delivered with absolute precision, even if it tore his arm to pieces.

Picking up the bow again, he held it out, letting the pain subside as the weight became normal. He reached again for the arrow, gritting his teeth as the pain twisted inside his stomach. When his fingers reach the fletching, he pulled hard, unsheathing it and settling it against the string. Oliver gasped several breathes as the pain ebbed in his stomach. There would never be a chance to quick fire on Chase, but he knew it only took one arrow and it didn’t have to come quickly.

Pulling, Oliver felt the fletching against his cheek as the string went taut. HIs body was on fire, his arm screaming for release. Oliver felt the tug against his skin, stitches wishing to break to relieve the strain he was putting on them. They threatened to rip his body apart as Oliver released the arrow, sending it flying wildly in the direction he’d been aiming. 

From top to bottom, he was coated in a thin layer of seat. The sound of his own heartbeat thudded in his ears. Kicking at the sand, Oliver cursed the pain and stomped back towards the cottage, after retrieving the arrow from the sand.

Tucking his bow and quiver back in the closet, he padded quietly to the bathroom. Shedding his shirt and pants, he turned on the shower and the steam began filling the room.

Pulling at the corner of the bandage covering the wound on his shoulder, he let the blood soaked cloth fall to the counter next to the white porcelain sink. A small trickle of blood slid down his chest, proving the stitches had popped open. He shouldn’t have pushed himself, but all the plans they had put into place came down to him being able to fire his bow.

All these things had to happen or Chase would win and the debt for the horror he inflicted on Felicity would never be paid. It was a debt Oliver wasn’t willing to forgive.

“What happened to you?” Felicity asked from behind him, her words gasped as though she was seeing him injured for the first time.

“Stitches popped open,” Oliver said and shrugged as though it was an everyday occurrence. Her fingers were near the spot before he saw her move. She was used to his injuries, but the frown on her face showed the worry humming through her mind. 

“Do you have a first aid kit?” she asked her blue eyes meeting his. There was a jolt that ran through his body and his hands were tangled in her hair. Their lips met in a hard kiss. She tried to pull away, but he kept her there, deepening the kiss.

Oliver lifted her gently, settling her on the counter. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and he was acutely aware of the fact that only his boxer briefs and her underwear were between them and some bad decisions.

Not that Felicity was a bad decision. She was about the only thing he’d ever done right, but there were limits to what he would push her to until she gave him permission. He didn’t want to flare any memories of the things Chase did to her. 

Pulling away from her, he stroked her cheek with his thumb, her lips plump from the kiss. Her breath hitched and then she relaxed into his touch. This was what he need to ease the nerves that had started to tremble after he found firing his bow almost impossible.

He wanted to tell her the truth, but he knew Felicity and she would disapprove.

“No pressure, right?” Oliver said and kissed her on the forehead. She nodded, her eyes wet with tears.

“I don’t want to push you,” he said honestly. “I hope we can work through all of this together, when you are ready.”

Felicity’s hand tangled in his hair, her fingers winding their way down to his cheek. There was nothing he wanted more than to stay like this forever. First he had to make sure Chase would never harm her again.


	15. Chapter 15

The coffee shop was just a hole in the wall in the middle of the non-descript town where they were waiting for Chase to pounce. Oliver entered to the sound of a tinkling bell announcing his arrival, only one set of eyes turned to even see who was entering. John was sitting at a small table in the corner. The scene was almost comical as the former soldier made the table seem like doll furniture. Yeah, he didn’t stick out here at all. 

“Glad you could make it,” Dig said pushing a cup of coffee towards Oliver who took the other seat at the table.

“What do we know?” Oliver asked without preamble. This was business and they needed to get it finished. Oliver ached to get busy living a life with Felicity, whatever shape it would take and this was just a minor bump in the road.

“Chase has been quiet,” Dig said sipping his coffee, his brow furrowed in frustration. It was a frustration Oliver shared. 

“I didn’t expect him to announce he was in town,” Oliver sighed.

“How is the arm?” John asked, his brows knitting together as he looked Oliver up and down.

“I pulled the stitches out of my shoulder,” he said. John nodded and narrowed his eyes at Oliver as though he could detect the injury just by looking at the other man. Showing weakness wasn’t something good for Oliver in the situation they were in now.

“The shot wasn’t good either,” Oliver admitted slumping his shoulders.

There was silence as they both sipped their coffee and contemplated their plan. 

“Are you sure you are ready?” John asked and Oliver hated the way it felt as though the other man didn’t believe he was going to finish his mission. If there was one thing he would do, it was finish Chase, no matter what his injuries were and would be at the end of it all.

“I have to be ready Dig,” Oliver said through clenched teeth. “Do you not think I know this all falls to me?”

The pressure felt immense. As Oliver tried to breathe around the lump forming in his throat, he wasn’t sure how this would all work out in the end.

“No,” John corrected. “We have to do this.”

Oliver looked Dig in the eyes. No matter how much Oliver wanted this to be his fight, John loved Felicity just as fiercely. They were good friends. John felt the need to protect her from all the dangers Oliver put her in and he was there to pick up the pieces when Oliver failed miserably. When Oliver faltered, John was the rock that Felicity could rely on.

“What if we can’t get him?” Oliver asked the question hanging over them like a dark cloud. It felt strange to give voice to his fears, but Oliver knew they were there. There was always a nagging in the back of his mind that made him feel as though he was never good enough.

“You always get your man,” Dig said quietly. 

The walk back to the cottage was slow and calculated as Oliver tried to come to terms with the idea that Chase could best him. As he kicked at a small pile of sand near the front step of the cottage, Oliver felt eyes on him. Looking up, his eyes found Felicity’s and there was a shot of electricity that woke every nerve in his body. She was one smart girl and the knowing smile she gave him reassured him that this was the right thing to do for her.

“How is Dig?” she asked.

“Always have my back huh?” Oliver laughed. He was by her side, fingers entwined with hers and Oliver didn’t remember getting there. She had a pull that somehow always brought him back to her, no matter how many times he tried to push her away. His thumb slipped up and rubbed against her cheek, their lips so close together. 

“I know Dig wouldn’t leave you alone when you are seriously hurt,” Felicity said leaning into him.

All Oliver can do is laugh. When he was first assigned John Diggle as a security guard, Oliver took pleasure in escaping from him, but over time he learned to trust the man with his life. A life that was sometimes precarious and messy, but Dig hung in there. He was a good friend and Oliver knew they both put themselves in a bad spot with their plan to draw out Chase, but danger was how they lived. It was what they were used to. 

“I”m not seriously hurt,” Oliver said in mock defense. “I spent five years on an island, this is a walk in the park.”

“Beautiful speech,” the cold voice made the hair on the back of Oliver’s neck stand on end. Chase stood at the end of the sidewalk as though he was just out visiting friends, his hands planted in his pockets as the wind whipped through his hair.

Felicity sucked in a breath as Oliver put himself in front of her, pushing her towards the open door behind them to get her out of danger.

“Go in. Call Dig,” he whispered through clenched teeth, his eyes never leaving Chase.

“So how is the shoulder?” Chase asked nonchalantly. “Oh, I bet it’s been hard to hold that bow of yours.”

Oliver ground his teeth, his jaw set tight. Backing towards the door, his eyes never leave Chase. If the other man slipped out of his sight, Felicity would be in even more danger and Oliver couldn’t let that happen.

“You have no right to be here,” Oliver yelled.

“Oh, I say I do,” Chase said moving closer to the porch. “You promised to let me go free and now you got to the press to say you are hunting for me. Oliver I have to take her back because you didn’t keep your promise. Felicity needs to come home with me.”

Oliver was ducking inside, his hand finding his bow and quiver. The weight brought ease to his heart and the world seemed to slow around him. The clarity was amazing and Oliver calculated the distance to Chase, his eyes narrowing as he pulled the arrow out and laid it to the bow.

The draw on the string felt like it took a lifetime. Oliver felt every single muscle in his body contract and expand as the bow was drawn. The pain bloomed like fire under his skin, but the adrenaline soon masked all those feelings. The sounds of the world faded away and Oliver was alone with the bow and his breathing filling his ears.

The tautness of the string pulled heftily against his fingertips giving weight to what he was about to do. Looking down the shaft of the arrow, Oliver saw the target. He’d chosen the heart in the split second it took to draw the bow. Chase made no attempt to move from his sights, the same smile plastered on his face.

“Do it Oliver!” Chase coached. “Show everyone that you are just like me. Show Felicity you are a killer.”

The blood coursed through his veins, urging him to release. One finger began the release, but then Chase wasn’t in his sights. Felicity stood in front of the arrow tip, her arms raised to stop him.

“Felicity move!” Oliver shouted. His words came out harsh and she flinched at the sound.

“You can’t do this,” she cried, hands reaching towards him. Oliver didn’t lower the bow, looking for an angle to shoot around her.

“I have to,” he replied the sound a mere growl in his throat. She was crying now, sobbing deep in her chest. Oliver wanted to comfort her, but he wanted Chase dead more.

The sound of the gunshot broke through the air  and Felicity turned the direction of the shot, covering her ears. Lowering the bow, Oliver sees Chase on the ground and DIggle standing over him breathing heavily, gun held loosely in his hand.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the confrontation that had me screaming at my characters as I was writing. It's a little painful and I tried to make my Oliver a little more vulnerable to Felicity. I also made Felicity fiery. I hope you enjoy.

“How could you?” Felicity’s voice rose as she started throwing clothes into the bag on the bed creating a jumble of color. Oliver stood at the end of the bed, hands in his pockets as though he was apologetic, but.his face showed no emotion. Inside his heart was shattering into a million pieces. He’d fucked up and now he would have to face her anger.

This was the moment he created to right all the wrongs Chase committed. She was supposed to be thankful Chase had been stopped. The authorities were busy picking him up at the local hospital and Dig was cleared easily for using his firearm in self defense. If Oliver would have taken the shot, Chase would be in a morgue somewhere. 

But as it was, Chase would be going away for a long time for his attempt on Oliver’s life previously. If Felicity wished to pursue charges as well, the he would go away longer. That was up to her though and at the moment, Oliver knew it was something he didn’t even want to bring up with her.

“You used me,” she said stopping to look at him as though it was the first time she had seen him. There was anger and fire in her eyes. Oliver hurt her in a way not even Chase could. He was sure her heart was breaking as well and the anger was just a symptom of something they were both feeling.

“I didn’t,” Oliver said stepping closer to her, his hand reaching out to touch her, but stopping short as she glared at him.. The only thing he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and make everything go away. He had to be able to make this better because it was what Oliver always did.

“You made me believe that you loved me like I always loved you,” she said, voice thick with tears she was trying to hold back. The look in her eyes shot from hurt to anger in a blink and Oliver pushed his hands back into his pockets.

“But I do love you Felicity, that has never changed,” Oliver whispered afraid that his own voice would break. When it came to her, he always felt that he would unravel and lose all of his control. Felicity pulled the string that held all his emotions in check with just a look and that made it easy for him to really be who he was with her. He didn’t want that to end ever, no matter how many mistakes he made.

“And this is how you show it?” The tears were free now and they rolled down her pale cheeks. Oliver didn’t wait for her to give him permission to touch her and scooped her into his arms. She clawed at him, pushing him away. He released her so that she wouldn’t hurt herself and dropped his arms to his sides, unsure of what to do.

“I can’t do this with you,” Felicity said sniffling as she stepped away and busied herself again, trying to hide her emotions.

“Did you want me to let him go knowing what he did to you?” Oliver asked in a heated tone.  
The anger he felt bubbled to the surface and he tried to hold it in check, but it proved a little difficult with the emotions running through the room. Always he was thinking of others when he took up the bow. It seemed no one understood how much he wanted to keep them safe.

“What he did to me Oliver, not you,” Felicity spat back at him. “Do you ever think that I just want to forget what happened when Chase took me? Or how it made me feel as though I would never deserve you again?”

Oliver stood there feeling shattered. All he wanted was to make her feel secure and he’d focused far too much on the source and not the person it was done to. Dig was right when he told Oliver to focus on her, but he was too stubborn to pay attention and just love her until things were sorted out. It seemed he always broke those who cared the most about him, even when he was trying to do the right thing.

“I know you want to believe you can save everyone,” she said shoving her tablet into the bag along with her clothes. Her blue eyes looked him over, but she turned away and busied herself again pulling clothes out of drawers.

“I don’t do it to save people,” Oliver said quietly and he wondered if she even heard him.

“Then why Oliver? Why put me through this and yourself? Why?”

“Because I’m trying to save myself.”

Her hands stopped moving and Felicity rested them on top of the dresser as though it was the only thing keeping her upright. Oliver heard her sigh and she turned to face him. Tears were falling down her cheeks again, her blue eyes watery as she looked at him. 

“Anybody can be a killer Oliver,” she stated, tears continuing to flow as she sniffled. “What you are is different and if you would’ve killed Chase, you would’ve been haunted by it forever. I know the good in you and the guilt that you can never put to rest. This would have eaten you alive, even if you didn’t want to admit it.”

Felicity’s eyes were sincere, but Oliver still felt his gut tightening at the way she was looking at him. There was more, there was always more when someone said they believed you were good. There was always a but that followed and Oliver braced himself for what he knew was inevitable. 

“Why don’t you see what I see?’ She asked stepping closer to him as though she was going to touch him, but pulling her hand away to maintain the distance between them. 

“The same could be asked of you,” he said stepping towards her, but avoiding her personal space.

Felicity’s face twisted with anger and she stomped her foot like a child.

“Stop making this about everyone but you,” she said pointing a finger at him and narrowing her eyes at him.

“I don’t understand,” Oliver said shrugging. He didn’t know why she was so angry at him. Felicity sighed and walked even closer to him threatening to make him lose all the control he was trying to keep on his emotions. She did that to him, even when he was trying not to be vulnerable to her.

“Until you can save yourself and understand that you can’t love me if you don’t love yourself,” she said, “then we have nothing else to say to each other.”

With a huff, Felicity gathered her bag and walked past him, stopping at the door to look over her shoulder at Oliver.

“Please let Dig know that I’m ready to go back to Star City,” she said and sniffled, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

Then she was gone. Oliver felt the pain squeezing his chest. He cleared the dresser top with a swoop of his arm. The sound of glass breaking filled the room as knick knacks spilled onto the floor shattering.. Oliver yelled as loudly as he could for all the things he’d lost and all the things that would never be again. He yelled because of the hell the island created for him and hell he continued to create with every person he loved, especially Felicity. 

The love he had for Felicity was fierce and unrelenting. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her, but she was asking to do what seemed impossible. Oliver wasn’t strong enough to truly the face the demons that came from the darkness inside of him. It would mean being truthful and having his emotional barriers stripped from him until he was naked for all to see. Oliver learned the vulnerability meant pain and it wasn’t something he wanted to ever visit again, even for the love of his life.


	17. Chapter 17

Pushing the number again, Oliver put the phone against his ear and waited. He didn’t know why he thought this would be different than any of the other times he called. Two rings and then Felicity’s cheery voice telling him to leave a message. She still refused to talk to him and he knew she was sending him directly to voicemail to avoid a conversation that would be awkward. 

“Felicity, it’s been two weeks,” he said sighing. “I think we really need to talk.”

Oliver cut the call and threw the phone onto the bed. Whatever she was going through he wanted to be with her. They could always fight the enemy as a team, but she didn’t want to be a part of his team anymore and it broke his heart. 

Loneliness seemed to be what his life was meant for and this was just another case that proved it. Maybe the island hadn’t been such a bad place for him to be if there was no one who wanted to be around him. The isolation made it easier on everyone, he thought. 

There were things he could do to fill his time. Crime still was a big threat in Star City. Suiting up became a way to purge his soul. Arrows were like sins he cast to the wind so they could find a new place to reside, instead of his soul. They weighed him down emotionally. If he lightened himself enough, maybe Felicity would find him valuable again. Then there would be time to make some tough decisions for himself. 

“Where we off to tonight?” John asked as Oliver check over his bow. It was always there. It was constant and tonight it deserved all the attention he could give it, if only to get his mind off of her. Not that it had been working too well. She was a constant in his mind.

“What good intel have we got about the new drug rings rising in the area?” Oliver asked not even looking at the other man.

“There are two big groups fighting over turf in the Glades,” Dig replied sitting down in front of the computer monitor. Oliver stopped and looked at him, imagining someone so much softer residing in the chair and talking him through his missions. He missed her voice. Shaking his head, Oliver went back to making sure his bow was in the good working order and ready for whatever the night would bring.

“Then we go to the Glades,” Oliver said pulling his quiver out to fill with arrows. When he had filled the quiver with enough arrows, Oliver pulled off his shirt and grabbed his jacket and pants to suit up. The Arrow was someone he could be and not have to worry about Felicity, even though he did, but tonight he wanted his mind to be free of everything. Taking down some drug rings would be enough to get his mind off of all the others things that seemed to be colliding inside of him at the moment.

“Do you ever think about going to see her?” John asked calmly. Oliver stopped in his tracks and looked at the other man as though seeing him for the first time. 

“Damn it Dig, I think about it all the time,” Oliver said an edge sharpening his words. “I’m lucky it hasn’t gotten me killed yet.”

“There is nothing I’ve ever seen that compares to how her eyes light up when she sees you,” Dig said. Oliver felt his heart clenching at the thought of catching her eyes just one more time. The way she lit up when he returned from a mission that was precarious. The warmth of her touch even when she was fixing his wounds and putting him back together.

These were all the things he loved about her and missed with every fiber of his being. He was cut off from the one thing that made his heart beat and made him feel like a real person. He was wilting without her light.

“I know,” Oliver admitted leaning against the case that usually held his suit. He felt weak and took deep breaths to steady his heart as it threatened to beat out of his chest just at the the thought of her.

“Running because she said you were afraid of yourself just proves you need to face your demons,” Dig said squeezing Oliver on the shoulder and looking him in the eyes. Damn when had Dig gotten so smart about everything when it came to Felicity?

“My demons are too dangerous to even allow me to look at them,” Oliver said quietly. Dig knew Oliver spent most of his life gathering those demons and they weren’t easy to shake. They clung to his soul. If Oliver couldn’t look at them, how would she ever be able to see the good man he was through them.

“She can save you Oliver,” Dig said. Oliver knew the words were the most truthful anyone could speak and yet he didn’t feel like he deserved to be saved.

“Felicity doesn’t want me Dig,” Oliver choked out feeling the tears welling in his eyes. Only with Dig was he able to let his true emotions show and not fear being judged. They had been there for each other too many times for it to make a difference in their relationship.

“There are things buried in her heart only you can help her find,” Dig continued. “She pretends she doesn’t hurt, but you know she does. She needs you too, even if she is too stubborn to admit it to you.”

“Why should I try when I’ve broken her heart so many times? She almost got killed for me so many times, how do you forgive that?”

There was silence between them as Oliver’s tears began to subside. He didn’t like to show weakness, but maybe Felicity needed to see his weakness. Vulnerability wasn’t easy for him, but he needed to let her inside so they could be together again and heal.

“So you can choose to fight crime or visit a certain IT girl,” Dig said.  “I doubt the choice will be hard for you.”

There really was no choice to make and Oliver shrugged on his hood, sliding his pants on and taking his bow. Dig eyed him carefully, but then a soft smile pulled at his lips as the regarded Oliver knowing the right choice was made.

“Go home Dig,” Oliver said turning to face his long time friend and the one person who could speak the truth to him.

“Make her realize what a good person you are,” the other man said. “Show her the shadows in your soul.”

Oliver nodded in agreement. Showing up to Felicity’s apartment as the Arrow would at least get her attention. After that, Oliver would have to bear his soul. She deserved to know who he was even if the darkness was buried there and showed itself to her.

To love him, the shadows would have to bask in the light that was Felicity Smoak. He’d lost many people in his life, but he would be damned if he let Felicity slide by him.


	18. Chapter 18

His hood was in place as he entered her apartment, bow held at his side as he gripped the handle tightly. The arrows in his quiver clacked together as he climbed through the window she continued to leave unlocked. They would need to have another talk about security when this was all over. Although he knew she left it open if he ever wanted to visit, Star City was not a safe place to just let the robbers in so easily.

The apartment was dark except for the faint blue glow of Felicity’s tablet from the couch. She was snuggled there under blankets, the tablet long forgotten as she slept, glasses were crooked on her nose, but there was peace on her face as she slumbered. She was unaware of his presence and he was thankful he got to see her in such a state.

With a gloved hand, Oliver retrieved the tabled, shutting off the screen. Felicity stirred as he removed her glasses, pulling the blanket tighter around her small form. He could barely see her outlined under the blanket. 

“Oliver …,” the words were a whispered prayer as they fell from her lips. He stopped, silent, but she didn’t stir any more. Her breathing was steady again and Oliver’s muscles unclenched letting him relax again, silence his friend as he moved through the living space.

Tonight he was happy to be near Felicity again after so long apart, even though she didn’t know he was here. This was his place and it was home. Oliver’s soul was safe and he could relax. That was why he returned here time and time again. She was his peace and now he could use all he could find.

Felicity deserved loyalty and truth, but truth was difficult to come by when he had so many secrets. Secrets that threatened to tear him apart if he didn’t share some. Felicity was the only one he knew would be able to hold those secrets and not look at him as though he was blackened on the inside.

“Stay with me,” Felicity whispered from the couch. Oliver stilled again as she spoke, her voice barely audible.

“Always,” he said matching her tone unable to tell if she was awake or talking to the Oliver that came to her in dreams. That Oliver was probably perfect in a way the real one couldn’t ever hope to be. Dream Oliver didn’t mess up as much as the real Oliver and it broke his heart to think she would never get the perfect Oliver she deserved.

Stripping his jacket off, Oliver set it aside with his bow and quiver. He eased himself down on the couch with her. Instantly she shifted into his arms, snuggling against his bare chest. Her eyes never opened as she wound her arms around him, her cheek laying against his heart. Oliver wondered if she was in that groggy point between sleep and waking.

Her hair begged to be stroked and Oliver found himself absently curling several of the strands around his fingers. She sighed, her head nuzzling against him further. He let a small smile cross his lips as he leaned his head back against the plump couch.  
The sounds of the city and Felicity’s breathing helped Oliver slip away to sleep, which was something he hadn’t been able to do in a long time. 

When the first rays of the sun peeked over the horizon, Oliver’s eyes opened against the brightness. Felicity still slept snuggled against him and he smiled as he looked at her peaceful face. As she slept, the weight of everything she went through melted from her features. She was that innocent Felicity again. His ray of sunshine.

There was never a time Oliver didn’t want Felicity to feel that kind of peace. The life they lived and the secrets he asked her to keep weighed heavily on her. Oliver asked too much of the people around him with little return for their loyalty. It was hard to keep the secrets of a whole city and one of it’s most famous residents, but Felicity never struggled.

Felicity stirred and he felt all his muscles clench in anticipation of her waking. What would she say finding him there? Would she be upset?

“Oliver?” she asked sleep still clouding her eyes and her voice rough from the night. She pushed away from him and blinked several times as though she was trying to decide if she was dreaming or if he was really in her apartment. “What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”  
Automatically, her fingers rubbed against his sides, feeling for wounds. Her hands ran up and down his arms searching for any blood, but only stopping on his scars. 

He only shook his head as she searched his body, unable to put words to his reasons for being there. Oliver couldn’t trust his voice when her hands were on him and he’d spent the night in her arms.

Taking her face in his hands, Oliver pulled her close and brushed his lips lightly against hers. What he was doing wasn't fair, pulling her towards him and pushing her away all in the same motion. There was no reason left in his mind when it came to Felicity. She made all the reason he had, disappear as all he could think about was how much he loved her.

She was so close he could feel the her breath on his face. Her beautiful blue eyes closed as if praying he wouldn’t leave and this would all be real. He wanted everything inside of him to spill out into the light for her to see. For once, Oliver wanted Felicity to know the things he kept inside and wore as armor against those around him.

Still there was trepidation inside him. A little darkness that never wanted to show itself and it nagged him never to speak of all the things he’d done because people would judge his character based on them. That was the part that scared him the most and if he didn’t set it free, then it would control him forever.

“You have to understand the things Chase has said about me are true,” Oliver started, his thumbs absently stroking her cheeks. “I have killed for pleasure, to relieve the pain I’ve felt. Often I have told myself I have killed for survival, but these were few and far between and now I believe that was just something I told myself to ease the guilt.”

Felicity shivered under his touch and he felt the wetness of the tears sliding down her cheeks. She cried for him even though he was a monster. Felicity still cared for a soul that was sometimes as black as night.

“But you,” he continued, “showed me that I didn’t need to kill for my own needs. You told me I was fine and I wasn’t something awful to be feared.”  
Her sniffling was too much, but he needed to get out what was in his heart. They were both suffering and it had to stop. This had to be the end of the pain they continued to share between them.

“I’m a better person, a better man, because of you Felicity. I always want to be that better person and I want you to be with me,” Oliver said honestly.

“Oliver …” she started, but he put a finger to her lips to stop her talking. This had to get out of him before it broke him apart from the inside.

“I don’t want another minute to pass or another mission to go by where you are not mine forever,” he said quietly. “What I do every night is too risky for me to hide away from my feelings anymore.”

When he’d entered her apartment, Oliver had never thought he would be asking her to marry him. Those words never even popped into his mind, but his heart was too busy doing all the talking and it knew exactly what it wanted from Felicity, forever.

“So Felicity, will you be my Mrs. Queen?” he asked leaning his forehead against hers. Their lips were millimeters apart and he just wanted her answer. Oliver could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for her to reply.

“No,” she said quietly and she was off the couch darting up the stairs before he could blink. The sounds of her sobs as she retreated were the last things he heard before she closed the door to her room. Silence filled him and the space.


	19. Chapter 19

To say tensions were running high. was an understatement. Oliver felt every nerve in his body fire and contract muscles as he watched Felicity work idly at her computer terminal. They hadn’t talked much, beyond what was needed to keep the team alive, since she turned down his proposal. 

In fact, he didn’t really want to talk because it was just too much between them. There was no explanation she could give that would mend his heart. There would be occasional chit chat, but not much more. There really wasn’t anything Oliver could think to say to make all of it better and salvage the relationship they had built through the years.

He hurt inside, his heart broken and it wasn’t something that would be easily healed. It was just something else to bury away inside of himself and deal with later. It was something else to drive him to complete the mission he started when he came back to Star City.

“Were you playing solitaire while I was getting my ass handed to me out there tonight?” Oliver asked far too roughly one night when the criminals from the streets of Star City had almost bested him. It didn’t matter he was distracted the whole time he was out on patrol, Oliver felt like Felicity wasn’t giving him what he needed while he was trying to clean up the mess out there.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Felicity asked and she tapped harder on her keyboard trying to beat the keys into submission. Oliver approached her chair and spun her around to face him. He wanted her to see him when he told her exactly what was wrong with her help tonight.

“There was no intel,” he said through gritted teeth, a gloved finger pointing at her for emphasis.

“If you wouldn’t go off half cocked trying to kill everything you see because you’re trying to punish me,” she said hotly, “then maybe I would have time to get good intel before you got your ass kicked.”

Oliver seethed. His breathing coming shallow and quickly. He was sure that the heat from the rage he was feeling was rolling off of him. This wasn’t going to work between them if all they did was fight amongst themselves, but he couldn’t let it go. It hurt too much. For some reason, his heart demanded to be justified before he could move on. 

“I’m not trying to punish you,” he said quietly stepping away from her and busying himself with racking his bow and arrows. Being honest with himself was difficult, but Oliver knew he was just punishing himself yet again for something he couldn’t control.

When Felicity decided to say no to him, Oliver spent his time chasing thugs through the city. The bow felt as though he could kill the pain inside himself with each arrow he let loose. It only made the regret grow in his chest, threatening to stop his heart. He couldn’t win, no matter which way he turned.

What had he expected from the women he’d hurt so much and so many times? Did he expect her to believe Oliver was her happily ever after when he’d told her so many times he couldn’t be that person for her?

“You had me fooled,” Felicity said turning back to her terminal and shutting down several windows. 

“Just talk to me,” Oliver pleaded noticing Diggle as he slipped away and into the elevator. Yeah, he wanted to retreat before the bombs started going off too close to home. Oliver didn’t blame him at all.

“And tell you what?” Felicity shouted. He could feel that she was trying to keep control, but was failing miserably, just like he knew he was about to. 

“Tell you that I’m broken? That every night I wake up crying for you to stop my nightmares? Is that what you need to hear to make you feel better?”

Her voice rooted his feet to the ground and he stopped moving. She was raw and all he could do was offer his brokenness in return to match the way she was feeling. Running a hand over his face, Oliver centered himself. This was one of the most important things he would ever say in his life and he wanted to make sure that it was exactly what his heart wanted to tell her. There would be no do overs for this one and it had to express exactly what he felt about her and for her.

“Then let me stop the nightmares,” he said after a silence that was merely both of them breathing through whatever was going on in their minds and trying to avoid awkward eye contact with each other.

“I can’t Oliver,” she said and sniffled. “The things Chase did to me …” Her voice trailed off as though the words were about to strangle her.

“I don’t care.”

Honest. It’s what he should have been the whole time with her.

Felicity sniffled louder and he knew the shaking of her shoulders were the quiet sobs racking her body. She didn’t want him to hear her cry, but he was the reason she was crying in the first place. 

This. Was. All. Him.

“You don’t deserve the pain Oliver,” she finally said in a tearful whisper. “You already carrying around enough guilt for the entire world. Mine shouldn’t add to what you already have to deal with every single day.”

“I’m the reason for all of it,” he admitted with no hesitation. “I am not a saint in this scenario. I am willing to take a lot of fault for what has happened in your life.”

Felicity turned to face him, the pain written across her wet cheeks. Oliver hated himself because this was the life he had reduced her to and had no excuses. He’d asked her and although she accepted helping him, Felicity didn’t know what it entailed. No one did.

“Chase violated me, not you,” she sobbed and pulled her knees up to her chest. God how could she look so small, almost like the scared girl Oliver was sure she was on the inside.

The fury rose again inside of Oliver. The regrets he had about not saving her were stronger than any torture he’d been put through during his five year ordeal. There was no amount of killing that could take back the mistakes he’d made when it came to Felicity. It was a new real they would have to learn to live with and sometimes it would feel uncomfortable. Oliver was there now, but needed to let Felicity know she was the most important thing to him now.

“I love you,” Oliver said not moving. It was the truth he could offer her at this moment in their relationship. “No rape by Chase can change what my heart tells me and has told me for many years.”

Felicity raised her head to look at him. For the first time in several weeks Oliver felt as though she was seeing his true self as though he was there naked and afraid in front of her. It was something she always managed to do. Her eyes saw him as a broken man who was still worth salvaging just as he saw her brokenness and knew she was the right woman for him.

“I love you too,” she whispered, her eyes lighting up with the words. Oliver knew he couldn’t live without her anymore. She was his true partner no matter what kind of baggage they both brought with them.

“Be my partner. No ceremonies and no marriage just partners in this life no matter what happens,” he said kneeling to take her hands. The look in her eyes was scared, but he could see her softening somewhere deep inside. His Felicity was rising to the surface again. God, he’d missed her.

She nodded and the tears returned. Oliver wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest. Felicity was his and no darkness could pry her from his arms or heart.

The man who came back from the island would never have believed it possible to let someone inside, but Felicity was different. She wasn’t just someone. She was his air and heartbeat. She was his life. She was his everything.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING 
> 
> This chapter is about loss of a pregnancy. I wanted to add it because to me it was important. If this is something that will bother you, please skip this chapter.

They fell into a new normal. Oliver found solace in the brokeness they shared. He would spend his nights cuddled in her bed, shutting out the world around them. Though their physical relationship was slow and nonexistent, it was something he knew they would work through together and that would only make them stronger.

Often Oliver would busy himself taking care of her as a sign of his devotion to her. There were breakfasts and dinners they shared which he prepared. It was a good thing he’s spent so many years following Raisa around the house and learning all he could about cooking.   
During the days, he would go to the office, busy with keeping the business of the city going. Chase may have thought he succeeded in breaking them, but Oliver knew he had done nothing more than push them closer together. They were a strong team and would always be strong.

“Did you make this?” Dig asked as he took another spoonful of the pie Oliver brought in to share with his friend.

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Oliver asked as he combed through the papers on his desk seeking out a pen. Why was he able to keep track of enemies from a distance, but his damn pen always seemed to be missing? Well he did have Felicity’s help when it came to the enemy. 

Smiling to himself he signed a few documents and shoved them in the folder. One more thing he could cross off his agenda for the day. The papers seemed to be multiplying on their own though.

“I knew that you were a talented archer, but really a chef as well? Give the rest of us a chance here buddy,” Dig laughed as he filled his mouth with the sugar cream pie.

“Oh, I think you have everything nailed down with Lyla,” Oliver smirked and they shared a small chuckle. It felt so good to back to normal. “She prefers the kind that can wield a gun.

Oliver’s phone vibrated in his pocket and he heard Dig’s chiming as well. Felicity wasn’t supposed to be in lair that evening because she hadn’t been feeling well, but maybe she was bored. Sometimes it was hard to keep her from hacking into the whole city when she didn’t have anything else to keep her busy.

Pulling up the message, Oliver read the words: Send Dig.

It was strange, but Felicity knew he had several things to get done before the weekend and was probably trying to make sure he got them finished. It was a weekend he’d spent a month planning. They were going to get out of the city and just enjoy being with each other, no other distractions and no Arrow. This was just for Oliver and Felicity. He still hadn’t told her there wasn’t wifi, but that was something they could talk about on the drive out of town.

“I’ll go see what she needs,” Dig said pocketing his phone and shoving the rest of the pie in his mouth. “Damn Oliver I’m going to have to work out extra hard because you’ve decided to become so domestic,” he said around a full mouth, waving as he walked from the office.

Silence, except for shuffling of the papers on his desk, descended on him. Oliver didn’t know how long he’d been reading the new ordinances, but felt his phone buzz again. It was persistent, a call instead of text this time. Picking up the phone he saw it was Dig.

“What you need John, more pie?” Oliver asked with a laugh.

“The hospital now,” Dig said in a stone cold voice. “It’s Felicity.”

Oliver dropped the phone on his desk and raced from the room. 

The ride in the taxi across town seemed to take forever and Oliver could feel the bile rising in his throat as he contemplated all the things that could have happened. Had she tried to take her own life? How could he have not seen that she was having difficulty getting over the rape? God he hated himself for being so wrapped up in domestic bliss that he didn’t pay attention.

As the taxi pulled up in front of the hospital, Oliver threw some cash at the driver and sprinted towards the door, looking for anyone who could tell him where his beloved Felicity was and what was happening to her. Feeling helpless was something Oliver hated to his core.

“Oliver,” Dig got his attention and motioned for him to follow. Oliver jogged as they went up two flights of stairs, much faster than an elevator, and pushed through the doors leading to the hallway lined with rooms. He could feel himself at the edge of the unknown and Oliver didn’t like it.

“What happened?” Oliver asked as they paused outside the door of a room Dig indicated to him.

“I think she should tell you,” Dig said pushing the door open. The sounds of everything medical met his ears as he stepped inside to see Felicity with her eyes closed, lying in a bed and hooked to all kinds of monitors. She was pale, but he couldn’t see any injuries on her exposed arms. That made him shiver because it could be something he couldn’t even see.

“Mr. Queen?” the man on the other side of the bed asked. Oliver nodded, unable to form words as he looked at the woman he loved.

“Come in,” he said and Oliver saw Felicity’s eyes open. When they met his, he could see the dread inside her peeking through the blue. She had been crying and he didn’t know what any of this was about.

“Ms. Smoak wanted to wait until you got here,” the man in the lab coat said. “I’m Dr. Jenkins and I’m the OBGYN on call tonight.”

Oliver licked his lips and slipped his hand in Felicity’s. She felt cold and he felt colder inside. What was happening?

“I…” Oliver started, but stopped because he had no idea what to say or ask. He just wanted to know that Felicity was OK and that she was safe.

“Unfortunately, Ms. Smoak has suffered a miscarriage. This doesn’t mean that future children aren’t a possibility, but she will need time to recover and rest. She tells me that you are able to take care of her during her recovery, is this true?” the man rambled and Oliver furrowed his brow as the realization came to him. 

She was pregnant, but something happened. How was she pregnant? They’d never had sex, waiting until she had spent some time in therapy to get into that subject.

“I’ll get her discharge papers ready for you and we’ll go over the instructions for her care,” Dr. Jenkins said as he made some notes on his clipboard and then headed out of the room.

Turning to Felicity it dawned on him like cold water poured over his head. 

“Oh God,” Oliver said looking at her. She seemed to sink into the bed as her skin became even more pale. Leaning over her, Oliver held her against his chest and she sobbed. There was nothing left that Chase could do to her, this being the final insult to a pain Oliver though they were moving past.

“How could he do this?” Felicity’s fragile voice was muffled against his chest. Out of instinct, Oliver felt himself tense, ready to kill the bastard who had left them so broken. The man who was responsible for causing her to suffer even more.

The sickness built in his stomach and the bile rose in this throat. No man as twisted as Chase deserved the beauty of new life. There should never be that kind of gift for him and now with the loss of a baby, the pain would continue.

The reality was stark as the couple was intertwined inside of the sterile hospital room. Felicity had been carrying a baby that was fathered by a madman, but Oliver would have to clean up the mess of the loss of a fragile child. 

Chase deserved to rot in hell for his torment.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here is where I leave this Oliver and Felicity. I'm not saying I won't visit these particular ones again in the future, but this story has run it's course.
> 
> I hope you follow me as I begin to write another story called Better Half. It's almost finished and I will start posting soon! So look for that one.
> 
> I also have some Olicity one shots I'm working on because I'm rewatching the series and have gotten some great ideas.
> 
> So let's stay awesome Olicity fans and I hope to see you around.

Oliver watched Felicity as she sat on the couch, legs pulled to her chest and eyes staring at nothing. She hadn’t said a whole sentence since he brought her home from the hospital and settled her in the main living area. Oliver knew this look too well having experienced plenty of his own trauma himself.

“What do you need from me Felicity?” he asked quietly from where he sat across from her. She blinked at him, not actually looking at him, but seeing right through him.

“I don’t know,” she whispered in a shaky voice.

Oliver felt helpless sitting there and doing nothing. What had she done to deserve all of this pain? All she had done was love him and now the last bastion of Adrian Chase’s revenge had made itself known. 

“This can be a beginning,” Oliver said moving to kneel in front of her, unable to keep his distance any longer.

“A beginning?” Felicity said anger in her words. “He tried to guarantee an end Oliver. This was supposed to be the last smack in the face he could deliver to you. Just because it didn’t work doesn’t mean it shouldn’t make you angry.”

Oliver took her hand, but she pulled it away as she glared at him. He felt as though the world was finally closing in on him. If Felicity didn’t want him, then he was a monster like Chase claimed.

“You don’t have to pay for his sins any more,” Oliver said quietly trying to make her understand.

“And you still love a woman who was carrying the child of your enemy until yesterday?” 

Oliver shook his head trying to clear away the feelings welling up inside him. There was so much confusion between them, but his heart knew it needed her. It didn’t matter, he needed her.

“I would love you no matter what. You know terrible things about my life and still love me,” Oliver replied honestly.

“That’s different,” Felicity said quickly.

“Why?”

The air seemed thick between them as Felicity sat silently looking at him. He felt as though she was trying to put into words exactly what she believed about him.

“I didn’t have a choice in this,” she finally said honesty lacing her words. 

“And you think I chose all the situations I found myself in?” Oliver asked trying to understand her words and where she was taking their conversation. He didn’t chose, just as she hadn’t, but she seemed to believe it was different in some way.

“No,” she said backtracking. “But you did decide what it would make you.”

Oliver regarded her quietly as the words sank in. Yes, he did chose if it made him a killer or someone who wanted to help those who couldn’t help themselves.

“Then you can decide what this experience with Chase makes you,” he said looking into her eyes.Felicity chewed on her bottom lip and Oliver could tell she was weighing the options. This was a tense moment and Oliver felt all his nerves crackling in anticipation of what she would say.

“We have all the time in the world to right these wrongs,” he said. “This will not stop what I’ve always wanted with you. I can’t let it.”

“I want to marry you Oliver,” she said abruptly.Felicity’s hand reached for his intertwining their fingers. It was a beautiful feeling to know that she was ready to take that next step with him. Oliver didn’t feel as though he deserved what she was offering, but it was something he’d wanted from the moment he saw her chewing the red pen in her cubicle.

“Get dressed,” he smiled at her. “We are going to make this official before you change your mind.”

“What?” she asked as he pulled her to her feet surprise crossing her features. 

“I don’t want to wait to marry you,” he said chuckling. “I think I’ve wasted too much time already.”

Thirty minutes later, Oliver stood outside the judge’s chambers adjusting his tie for what seemed like the hundredth time. Luckily with his pull as mayor, he could easily get things expedited so Felicity could become his wife quickly, no questions asked.

“Not much notice,” Dig said approaching him and clamping him on the shoulder.

“It’s been years in the making, John,” Oliver chuckled and shook the other man’s hand.

“Well it’s about time,” Dig laughed. “I don’t want to say I told you so, but I did a long time ago.”

“Mayor Queen,” the judge’s assistant said opening the door to the judge’s chambers. Inside he spied Felicity, dressed in a short white sundress, her hair falling in loose curls about her shoulders as smile, meant only for him, parted her lips. The ring she had returned to all those months ago glistened in the light of a small lamp that was situated on the judge’s opulent desk.

The breath in his lungs froze as he thought of all the heartbreaking things that brought them to this moment. Time stood still as Oliver committed the moment to memory. A memory he would need if he was ever in a situation that felt hopeless and he needed a lifeline to make sure he returned to her.

She was his, but more importantly, he would always be hers.

**Author's Note:**

> I've taken some liberties, mostly pairing down the team to the OTA. I've also taken out Oliver's son William, I have other plans for the way Chase can be devious to him.
> 
> Thank you for reading. This is a rather long fic and I promise that I will update as quickly as possible. The more comments, the more reason I have to update, so comment away!


End file.
